Not All Who Wander Are Lost

Not All Who Wander Ever Post

2009-04-27T00:41:00.002-05:00

So clearly I don't post on this thing anymore. Maybe someday I will again, but for now it exists solely as a record of a few magical years.

You can find me on the Internet still, just at other places. Such as:

twitter.com/timryder
facebook.com/profile.php?id=34001645&ref=profile

See you 'round, Internets.

Future kids only

2009-01-23T18:54:00.000-06:00

Warning: Reverse Gravity Playground ahead!

And a happy new year...in jail!

2009-01-20T16:41:00.001-06:00

I'm glad Old Man Potter was able to make it to the inauguration.

It's a new day, America! Let's do it!

Like most bands, they got preachy toward the end

2009-01-07T23:48:00.003-06:00

Experiment: I couldn't decide what music I wanted to listen to today, so I put iTunes on an entire library shuffle. This is pretty rare for me, as I normally consider myself a "whole album" kind of guy.

Conclusion: I remember the lyrics to a surprising amount of Goldfinger songs.

Further Questioning: Why do I have so many Goldfinger songs on my computer?

On the road again

2008-12-31T09:02:00.003-06:00

Hitting the road again today, this time to Iowa.

But quickly before I go, I learned yesterday that one of my aunts now has the best address ever.

She lives on Prince Valiant Dr.

I shared this with Tara, who informed me that one of her old friends now lives on Gobbler's Knob Rd.

Happy New Year, everybody. May your 2009 bring as much joy as those two things brought this apartment.

85 percent of my love

2008-12-29T10:16:00.003-06:00

Still doing things Texas style. Rebecca and I head back to Chicago this afternoon where we'll enjoy a one-day respite before hitting the road again, this time to Iowa to see the other half of her family. It's like we're home, but WE JUST CAN'T STOP TRAVELING.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I did, and now I'd like to talk briefly about Chuck Klosterman.

Rebecca's mom remembered that I had put his book Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story on my list for last year but didn't receive it. I then, for whatever reason, completely failed to read it in the entire following year. This made it a lovely surprise come present-opening time.

(I also received some very sharp knives that will definitely not make it on the plane. They will be have to be mailed.)

Anyway, I've had some time to read quite a bit of it over the last two days. It's Klosterman being Klosterman - incredibly analytical and surprisingly self-absorbed about subjects that normally require neither of those things. Really good if you enjoy him.

My only beef with the book, and really the thing that I've thought the most about so far, is the blurb on the back cover. From author Bret Easton Ellis, it reads as follows:

"I can't think of a more sheerly likeable writer than Chuck Klosterman and his old-fashioned, all American voice: big-hearted and direct, bright and unironic, optimistic and amiable, self-deprecating and reassuring - what a captivating lack of fuss or pretension."

This quote makes me seriously doubt whether Mr. Ellis and I have been reading the same author at all. Of the 13 descriptive terms used in that blurb, I see merit in exactly four.

I consider the following to be possible explanations:
a) Mr. Ellis made this quote ironically.
b) Mr. Klosterman used this quote ironically.
c) The publisher liked it.

I'm leaning toward option c at this point. Options a and b are unlikely because there is a small kernel of truth in the quote, or at least 4/13s of one.

The final option is that everyone is being sincere and it's actually intended to be 85% of an ironic back cover blurb.

And really, the entire purpose of writing this was to get to that last sentence because it was so clever of me to think of it. You're welcome, Internet.

Deep in the heart

2008-12-23T17:32:00.001-06:00

I'm down in Texas for a week with Rebecca and part of her family.

It got up to 50 degrees today, with promises of 70 in the next couple days. This is a nice break from freezing Chicago where on Sunday it was quite literally colder than the North Pole.

This just in: People in Texas are really quite fond of Texas.

Saga of the lamp, continued

2008-12-18T15:03:00.003-06:00

Those of you who were reading this blog around this time last year might remember the Saga of the Lamp, wherein some maids broke my cool lamp and, instead of reimbursing me for it, just bought me a new lamp.

This is an update to the Saga.

I have broken that lamp.

I was wearing some big clunky shoes and standing at my desk, then just took an innocent little step backwards. It was enough to catch the bottom part of my nightstand and send the entire contents crashing to the floor. Needless to say, the frosted glass was not made to withstand such an impact.

So we bid farewell to yet another lamp. I have purchased another one from Target and you may notice that it is much less breakable. I intend to stop this curse in its tracks.

It's really tracking well

2008-12-17T16:56:00.002-06:00

I'm getting used to some of the changes that have happened around here while I was gone. The new CTA Bus Tracker was just getting off the ground as I was leaving and since I primarily used the El back then, I really had no use for it. Now that my destinations are slightly more varied, I've enjoyed trying it out.

Basically, through any computer or "web-enabled mobile device," you enter where you are and which way you're headed and they'll tell you when the next bus will be along. It only works for certain bus lines currently, probably because putting that information up for the 22 Clark bus would involve a branch of hyper-mathematics that hasn't been invented yet.

The upside of this is that when it's really cold in Chicago (i.e. now until late April), you can use the Bus Tracker to time your departure to spend as little time in the cold as possible. I tried it the other day as I was headed to the 8 Halsted bus.

Initial verdict: It has completely revolutionized the way I barely miss buses.

Home again

2008-12-16T14:46:00.003-06:00

It should come as a surprise to very few that I seriously neglected this blog in the waning days of our contract and the subsequent return home. For anyone who has followed the writings contained herein for any length of time, it is a pattern that should be considered inevitable.

Now that I'm back and settled in, I shall endeavor to be more faithful in writing. This too, is part of the aforementioned pattern.

I fear that my life currently will yield very little in terms of exciting updates. I am unemployed and still trying to figure out where groceries come from. The most exciting thing happening at the moment is the fact that it is snowing quite heavily outside. See? Fascinating.

So if I occasionally dip back into the archives and bring up a photo from our overseas adventures to discuss, you'll have to forgive me for the lack of continuity.

But to start things off, it's nice to be home. Below is a clip of a band I just discovered. I love that I live in a country where this is a valid aesthetic choice for a musical group.

The fact that they recently opened for Electric Six should surprise no one.

Coming home

2008-12-10T21:25:00.000-06:00

Republished from The Jade Journal

The funny thing about finally going home after four months at sea is how everything is pretty much how you left it.

Sure, some things are different. There's a new president-elect. There are two new haircutting places within a block of your apartment. And instead of parking meters on Clark Street, there's some sort of new-fangled electronic parking box. (How long were you gone? Is this what the future looks like?)

But most things are pretty much the same. Your room looks like you remember and you still hear sirens go by with unsettling frequency. The #9 at Jimmy Johns still tastes great. The guy at the dry cleaners downstairs is still very friendly, despite the fact that you are both uncomfortably unsure of each others' names.

It's just weird to think that you've had all of these amazing experiences jam-packed into four months while the vast majority of people were going about their normal routines. And you wish you could explain it in some way, any way that makes sense and doesn't take four hours and hundreds of pictures.

But you can't. And that's okay. Because the only thing that's really changed around here is you.

And I guess that's the point.

(Thanks to my fellow castmates, especially Jessica for starting this blog and encouraging us to write. And to everyone at Second City for this amazing opportunity. And most definitely to Rebecca for not killing me despite four months of too-close quarters and too-violent video games.)

For example, today is Istanbul Day. That's the most I know.

2008-11-07T05:34:00.001-06:00

Republished from The Jade Journal

The funny thing about renting DVDs from the crew store is that you have absolutely no idea when they’re due back.

Let me explain – on the ship, there is a great crew welfare department that is responsible for, well, crew welfare. The crew welfare people do many things to keep crew members happy, healthy and drunk.

They organize crew excursions to Cairo and other cool places, which is nice because it’s absolutely essential to have an armed security guard travel with you to Cairo and they’re so expensive to hire for just a few people. Better to have 40 crew members and one guard. You know, spread the cost around.

They throw parties in the crew bar and give away free beer for just about any reason imaginable. Most frequently, they’re for some country’s Independence Day although these seem to happen with suspicious frequency. In fact, in the three months I’ve been on the ship, I think we’ve celebrated India’s twice.

And of course, they run the crew store. This is where you can stock up on essentials – toothpaste, deodorant, dried mango slices and strange foreign juices…anything you need to make you feel at home, regardless of what country you’re from. This is also where you can rent DVDs, which brings me back to the problem.

It’s not that they don’t tell you how long you can keep the DVDs. They do: 3 days for a movie, 7 for a TV series. It’s just that these terms, and really, time itself, hold relatively little meaning in this environment.

Most of the time we have absolutely no idea what day it is. We know we tip our room stewards on Sunday and get paid on Wednesday, but often even those pass us by without fanfare or notice. (Sorry Juana!) The only way we mark time is knowing if we have a show tonight and what port we happen to be in.

So telling me this DVD set of Battlestar Galactica: Season Three is due back next Thursday does me no good. We might as well be using a Mayan calendar and saying it’s due back next Quetzalcoatl, so could you just print me out a reminder card? Thanks.

Public bathing in foreign lands

2008-10-21T18:06:00.000-05:00

Republished from The Jade Journal

The funny thing about Turkish baths is how decidedly non-bath-centric they are.

This is not to imply that they are not cleansing. Indeed, afterwards I felt as though my very soul had been purified.

But they don’t involve public bathing so much as sweating and steam and burly men with mustaches rubbing you down and anointing you with oil. And yes – let’s address this, as it’s bound to come up eventually – that sounds pretty gay.

But it’s not. It’s awesome. Which is not to say that gay stuff can’t be awesome but I just don’t have time to get into the transitive property right now.

Here’s what happens – you change out of your clothes and into a little towel thing and head into the main room. This is a large open room with a circular marble slab in the middle and bathing stations around the outside of the circle. The slab is somehow heated to a really high temperature (Possibly magic?). Everything is silent and still. Unless there is a noise, in which case it reverberates around the room for the next five minutes. It is here, as you’re laying on the marble slab and beginning to heavily perspire while the Muslim call to prayer softly echoes outside and you don’t quite know what happens next, that you really start to wonder what your life is right now and how you came to be in it.

Then all such thoughts are swept from your mind as the burly men with mustaches arrive and soapsuds come out of nowhere and suddenly you are getting roughly exfoliated by a dude. After you come to terms with this, it is a relatively peaceful experience until they douse you with cold water and demand a tip.

Then, if you sprang for the luxury treatment, you are taken into another room, placed on a massage table, and told to relax while another burly man plays “Find the Knots of Tension and Make Them Explode!” After a lot of this, some scented oils and some stereotypical massage karate chopping, he also demands a tip.

If you want, you can go hang out on the slab some more and think about your life, but at that point I was tired and really wanted a gyro. So I got one. And it was the most relaxed I’ve ever been while eating a gyro.

It's Rebecca's nightmare!

2008-10-21T18:03:00.000-05:00

From Mykonos III 16.10.08

Check out this huge bird in Mykonos! Ha ha! Awesome!

International flavour

2008-10-21T17:59:00.000-05:00

From Mykonos II 10.10.08

One of the interesting things about being overseas is all the fantastically interesting flavors of things we come across. Or should I say flavours.

Chips, mostly. Oregano, paprika, hot dog, ketchup - they really go for flavours beyond the normal stuff we're used to.

Which is why we were so excited to try this banana-flavoured cola that Cody had been telling us about. That excitement dissipated with the first grimace-inducing sip, but we were still delighted by the yellow monkey spokesman.

Jerry! You infidel!

2008-10-21T17:57:00.000-05:00

From Cairo, Egypt 26&27.09.08

I don't know why seeing Seinfeld on Cairo TV with Arabic subtitles delighted me so, but it did.

Non-Greek heritage

2008-10-21T17:54:00.001-05:00

From Athens II 01.10.08

We were fortunate enough to enjoy the company of my parents last cruise. Here's my mom and I on Mars Hill (which has at least two other names, thanks to the many cultures who have laid claim to it at one point or another). It's believed to be the rock from which the apostle Paul preached to the Athenians. I think having a picture taken there got her extra credit in Bible study.

When my dad got off the shuttle from the airport, he looked like death. He was sick before he left and traveling overseas, compounded with crazy jet lag, doesn't make for a quick recovery. He spent the first few days in bed, but recovered enough to watch the first show from the front row. And then the next four from the same spot. With my mom. True to form, they liked everything but liked Rebecca and I doing our synchronized swimming act the best.

It's nice to have parents who support what you're doing and come to your shows. Hopefully they won't have to come halfway around the world to see the next one.

It would be impolite not to

2008-10-05T10:27:00.003-05:00

From Istanbul, Turkey I 18.09.08

When in Istanbul, it's customary to consume Turkish beer and Turkish hookah.

My friend Matt Mages said of this picture, "This photo pretty much sums up how I always expected your engagement to look."

I like that.

He's really great

2008-10-05T10:15:00.002-05:00

From Corfu, Greece 03.10.08

We found this guy sitting on a street in Corfu, Greece. Rebecca pretended to take a picture of me but really just took one of him.

I wish we spoke the same language so he could tell me everything about his life. I'm not sure, but I think I may want to be him when I grow up.

It makes sense

2008-10-05T10:10:00.001-05:00

From Jumpin' From Jesse

Because when you're in front of the pyramids and the sphinx, the first thought that should come to your mind is, "Let's pretend like we're in High School Musical."

Remarkably accurate

2008-10-05T10:03:00.002-05:00

From Istanbul, Turkey I 18.09.08

I promised I'd find my rabbit-foretold fortune, so here are both Rebecca's and mine, reprinted verbatim. Straight from the rabbit's mouth.

Rebecca's bunny fortune:

47. dont think about the person on your mind to much..dont stop to prayer your god..you will have so much money from the lottery..

My bunny fortune:

41. you couldnt get your wishes until now..you found bad things after you made good things..you couldnt find your way..but dont give up..if your heart clean you will make everthing you want to do..you will find your labour's responce.

I find them both pretty encouraging. Thanks, rabbits!

They also spit sometimes

2008-09-29T10:51:00.003-05:00

From Cairo, Egypt 26&27.09.08

The funny thing about riding a camel are the takeoffs and landings.

I take that back. Those are the hardest things.

The funny thing about it is that everyone in the general vicinity REALLY WANTS YOU TO RIDE A CAMEL AND THEIRS IS THE BEST CAMEL AND GREAT DEAL MY FRIEND MY FRIEND YOU WANT CAMEL RIDE MY FRIEND?!

I take that back as well. That is the annoying thing.

The funny thing about riding a camel is the camel. They are inherently hilarious creatures. With their long, flexible necks and their expressions that kind of look like they're smiling and kind of look like they're exasperated. And their humps! Come on! They are a creature with humps!

They truly are ridiculous creatures. I am convinced God created them to give nomads something to laugh about while traversing the desert. Because face it, there isn't much else out there to make the nomads chuckle. And if there's anything I know about long trips across the Sahara, it's that you've got to keep your sense of humor.

But seriously, the takeoffs and landings are hard. Are there more camel-specific terms I should be using to refer to when the camel stands up with you on its back and then sits down again? If there are, I don't know them. All I know is that camels have four legs and they can only fully extend two at a time from a seated position, so you better lean the heck back if you don't want to take a tumble.

Also, don't let the camel man take you too far away from the pyramids. He may call you his friend, but he can quickly become your friend who needs another ten dollars if you want to make the return trip.

Finally, don't drink the water in Cairo. Yikes.

(This is a duplicate of my blog posting over at The Jade Journal, a blog from myself and the rest of my castmates on the ship. Check it out!)

They just know

2008-09-24T05:02:00.002-05:00

From Istanbul, Turkey I 18.09.08

In Istanbul, they have fortune-telling rabbits.

This is not something I expected to see on my travels but am nonetheless pleasantly surprised.

This nice man will charge you 2 lira and then hold a wooden block with several small pieces of paper sticking out of it in front of one of the rabbits. The rabbit then picks up one of the pieces and deposits it in the man's hand. This is your fortune, chosen and foretold by a rabbit.

It then says, in very broken English, things like "You should not prayer to your God" and "You will win much money in the lottery." I'll look up my actual one and post it later. But I feel pretty good about what the rabbit foretold.

P.S. Hi from a bowling alley in Iraklion on the island of Crete. Again, it doesn't make much sense to me either, but they have free wi-fi, cheap bowling and good milkshakes. Feels a little like home.

P.P.S. Coming up next, pyramids!

International diplomacy

2008-08-30T16:46:00.001-05:00

In Lisbon, they make the best breakfast pastries imaginable. We hop on a train every time we're there and go to a different district just for these puppies. We also eat lunch at the same chicken place every time - Conjardim. They make the best chicken in the world. We also enjoy their Vino Verde - green wine. Not really green, it's a really light, sweet and refreshing white wine that is relatively inexpensive.

Lisbon, you are winning.

Rebecca and I taught a workshop today called Klass Klowns - Improv for Kids. Actually, they don't spell those words with K's, but they should. We had about 8 kids turn out for the workshop.

Half spoke no English. This presented a problem.

Fortunately, it turns out that Zip Zap Zop and Pass the Clap are universal.

Thank goodness for silly improv warmups. We should teach them to our ambassadors.

A mystery no longer

2008-08-30T16:40:00.002-05:00

So I solved Stonehenge. Turns out, it wasn't that hard. The way I see it, about 4000 years ago, some tribesmen were like, "You know what will be really big in the future? Tourism. Let's put up some rocks for people to puzzle over."

Case closed.

One of the best attractions at the amusement park that is Stonehenge was this guy, an actual druid named, no joke, Arthur Pendragon. Apparently he's mad about some promises the English government made about taking the fence around Stonehenge down. They haven't done it, so he's out there every day in protest. Hence the tan and leathery skin.

I taped Nick interviewing him because he hoped he'd be crazy and hilarious. Sadly, he was quite normal and well-spoken. Just really passionate about this issue, I guess. The funniest thing about him was watching him use his cell phone.

Or as the Brits call it, his mobile. I guess it's okay for druids to use them now?

Picture picture

2008-08-21T08:13:00.002-05:00

Oh, and because everyone loves looking at other people's vacation pictures, (even though we're not on vacation - we're working, thank you very much) you can check out photos of our travels at picasaweb.google.com/timothyryder

This is Rebecca and I next to a cool fountain in Lisbon. Occasionally the fountain erupts like a volcano in an attempt to drench people posing next to it. This is hilarious if it is not you.

(It was not us.)

I am currently writing this in an Australian bar in Vigo, Spain. I don't understand it either, but they have fast Internet and Olympic field hockey on the TVs. It's fun.

Hot Fathers

2008-08-20T16:17:00.000-05:00

Rome is interesting because of its old stuff. Most of that stuff is connected to Roman Catholicism in some way, so there is a ton of Catholic stuff around. A lot of Rome is like walking through a Catholic Wal-Mart, only it's outside and all the wares are in carts on the sides of the aisles, which are streets.

Above is a picture of me with a 2009 calendar of - no joke - hot young priests. It is the ultimate in forbidden fruit. They are attractive young men, clearly with good values, but they are extremely unavailable. Seriously. They have taken a vow of celibacy and you don't just go around breaking those willy-nilly.

Apparently this is attractive to some people? Do ladies just enjoy tormenting themselves with guys they know are great but can never have? Or are they specifically for Catholic mothers to point to while chastising their daughters and say, "Why can't you date a nice young man like Mr. August, only not a priest?"

It's worth noting that I did not buy the calendar as I am waiting for the one with hot young nuns.

We would call it a "soccer game"

2008-08-20T16:14:00.001-05:00

In Barcelona, we caught wind of a big football match going on that evening. (Thanks to the British dad who was excited about it.) We decided it would be a fun cast excursion and so set out to find the stadium where FCB (Futbol Club de Barcelona) played.

Bottom line - it's the coolest thing I've done so far. We all bought general admission tickets and hiked up to the very top of the stadium, which was huge. It wasn't a big game, but there were still tons of people there. People with airhorns and rhythmic chanting and the potential for riots! JUST LIKE IN MY DREAMS!

Rebecca and I were just talking that day about how cool it would be to go see a big football match and then WE GOT TO DO IT. This trip is pretty awesome for reasons like that. Also, FCB won 4-0. Take that, some team from Poland.

I suppose this is as good a time as any to introduce you to the cast of characters you may hear about from time to time. In the picture above, the people are:
Back row - Cody Dove, Nick Vatterott, me and musical director Jesse Case
Front row - Rebecca, Dean Evans, Lauren Dowden and Jessica Joy

I would tell you all about the fun I've had with each of them already, but long-windedness is not good for blogs. I will get to it eventually.

I'm pretty sure that's right

2008-08-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

Apparently in Spain, The Dark Knight is being marketed as "The Obscured Hatman."

Again, my Spanish is a bit rusty.

Cuidado! Un toro?

2008-08-20T16:08:00.000-05:00

In Malaga, we went to a Picasso museum because I guess he lived here at some point? Things are occasionally difficult to understand here as they are in Spanish and all I remember from high school is "Me gusta comprar con Mama y Papa en el supermercado.*"

Anyway, the museum was awesome but they didn't let us take pictures which was a shame because that dude painted some cool stuff. Conveniently, most of it was available in postcard form in the gift shop.

Later, we found a bullfighting ring and I pretended I was a statue of a bullfighter. I did not pretend I was an actual bullfighter because I know my limitations.

* Translation: "I like to shop with Mom and Pop in the supermarket." I only remember it because I learned it in song form, officially the best way to learn and remember anything. It's the reason I still remember Stick Stickley's address, and who the heck needs to know that?

Also called "birds"

2008-08-12T10:17:00.002-05:00

Rebecca and I were walking around the top deck last night after dinner and ran into two English girls who had seen our first show. They told us how much they enjoyed it and we got to talking about various things. At one point after Rebecca had said something, they remarked how much they loved our accents. Our plain, boring Midwestern accents.

Apparently, they think their English accents are "boring" and make them sound "posh," which is now apparently a bad thing?

So if nothing else, we at least sound cool to some of these people.

O Captain my Captain

2008-08-11T16:55:00.002-05:00

The view in Villefranche

The captain of our vessel is Trond Kildal, which has been certified by a global governing body as the single coolest name of all time.

Rebecca likes him because he's a native Norwegian. Her goal for the 4-month contract is to talk to Captain Trond at some point and say "Mange takk," which means many thanks in Norwegian.

We had a chance on Saturday when we docked at Southampton. We went to the mall and saw him at The Gap, which was weird. He still managed to look very captainly even out of uniform. Rebecca decided not to say anything because he was busy looking at his cell phone or as the Brits say, "mobile."

Rebecca has just informed me that if we get a puppy and it's a boy, there is a possibility that we will name it Trond. This is awesome.

She has also just informed me that I should change the "if" in that last sentence to "when." This does not help my suspicion that she has only agreed to marry me because it might help her get a puppy.

Now this is happening.

2008-08-10T13:01:00.001-05:00

Rebecca and I in Firenze, Italia

Yes...so. Here I am in Europe. At present, the waters southwest of England en route to Malaga, Spain.

Let us see if I can summarize the intervening time since the last post with anything resembling brevity. To catch you up, you see.

After my last day at Euro, I watched Rebecca's last home show with RedCo, which was great but also sad. We then headed west to visit some family. A lovely day with Josh and Allyn in Princeton followed by an equally lovely 4th of July in Ventura with Rebecca's dad and stepfamily* made for a lovely roadtrip indeed. INDEED!

Rebecca then flew down to Texas for a few days to enjoy the company of her sister and mother while I made some preparations for the journey ahead. We then spent a frenzied week and a half as such - rehearsals in the daytime, running lines or writing our own material or spending large amounts of money at Target in the evening. I really have never spent so much at Target in one visit. Shareholders of Target, you are welcome.

One cramped transatlantic flight later, we found ourselves in jolly olde England, only to jump right on the boat. We met the departing castmembers on the gangway and wished each other well. A wrestling-style tagout, if you will**. We then rehearsed a lot, did some shows and got the first cruise under our belt.

I may have oversummarized here. It is possible I will revisit some of the events of the first two weeks. Some of the things Nick did are especially worth mentioning, if only for their sheer audacity.

Regardless, this brings you to today. The beginning of our second cruise of the contract. Our producer and director have left and, some would say, our adventure has truly begun.

Onward, then.***

*This, I'm positive, is a term.

**And you will.

***It is entirely possible that my writing style has changed to reflect my new surroundings. If it seems overly pompous and formal, you must understand - I am surrounded by Brits.

A chapter closes

2008-06-28T22:39:00.000-05:00

Sooner or later, everything ends.

Set a course for adventure

2008-06-20T14:35:00.007-05:00

Is there a recommended amount of time that you are supposed to leave an engagement announcement on your blog out of courtesy? I have not yet received my copy of Emily Post on the Internet. I'm sure we have exceeded that time, so let's move on.

One of the fun traditions at my workplace is that on someone's birthday, the rest of the team decorates their cubicle in some ridiculous theme, often pasting their face onto other people's bodies for silly picture time.

Despite the fact that it is nowhere near my birthday, I walked into my cube on Monday to see that it had been decorated in the theme of The Love Boat. My coworkers are quite fascinated with the whole going on a cruise/getting engaged combo and I guess this is their way of telling me that, though they may miss me, they're happy for me.

And also that my time on the ship may feature a series of guest stars from 70's pop culture?

For those of you who are curious, the two themes chosen on my previous birthdays here were The Office and Saturday Night Live. I guess this fulfills my life requirement for being "the funny guy in the office."

This picture might actually be my favorite, just for the pure simplicity and absurdity of it. It's my nameplate for the outside of the cubicle. Normally it would be a fairly outdated picture of me with my name, title and MST3K quote. I think I like this better.

This one is just plain creepy, although I appreciate how they were able to work Rebecca in there despite having never met her. Some sneaky people must have raided my Facebook page.

I'm excited about moving on and there are certainly a lot of things about this job that I definitely won't miss. But little things like this and the great people I've met here...I'll miss that.

Finally, news

2008-06-04T15:28:00.003-05:00

Here we go, friends and random onlookers. Two big announcements in the world of Tim.

First and by far most importantly, Rebecca and I are engaged.

To be married! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

On Memorial Day afternoon, I took her for a walk by Lake Michigan. It's one of our favorite places in the city to walk. We love watching the dogs at Dog Beach, the boats coming in and out of Belmont Harbor and people generally being happy. You can see the great city skyline from there too. It's quite nice, and it was pretty that day, so nice doubly so.

Anyway, romantic buildup and preamble aside, I asked, she said yes, we're happy.

No, we haven't set a date. Do people assume that I asked that question immediately after the big question? And that she had a definite answer to which I could concretely agree? Come on, people. We've barely been engaged a week. Give us some time.

Besides, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to talk about it during our big adventure.

What adventure, you ask?

Why, the one that shall take place aboard this gigantic ship, of course.

Rebecca and I have been hired by The Second City to provide onboard entertainment for the Norwegian Jade. We ship out in late July and we'll be on the ship for 4 months touring the UK and Mediterranean, entertaining Ohio tourists and Saudi oil sheiks alike.

Neither of us have ever been overseas, so we're excited to see a little bit of the world on someone else's dime and make people laugh all along the way.

I'll report more news as it comes, but just know that we're excited on all counts.

Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Superfriends

2008-05-29T14:16:00.001-05:00

If you were curious about how nerdy our apartment is, it's this nerdy.

That's my roommate Scott Brady with his Batman blanket. Also, one of our first interactions when he moved in was when I helped him intricately pose his action figures.

Jon, who is behind the camera, listens to Battlestar Galactica podcasts.

Tara could not be more sad about this, I'm sure.

Coming soon: News. For real.

Signs, man. Signs.

2008-05-19T18:43:00.002-05:00

I visited my brother in Princeton over the weekend. Before I could even make it into the chapel where he was running his Trivia Night, I paused in the parking lot to notice these two neighboring signs.

And I remained paused for 10 minutes in existential crisis.

These signs have got to get their act together and figure out what they want out of life.

Beamz! It's with a z, people. Get with it.

2008-05-16T17:22:00.003-05:00

Just when you thought your complete lack of rhythm meant you could never be a musician...

Just when you thought everything involving lasers was awesome...

Just when you thought Sharper Image products had reached a pinnacle of absurdity...

Comes the Beamz Music System!

Never have white dudes been whiter. Never have wannabe rockstars looked so nerdy. Never has there been such a dated and overused pop culture reference attached with so little sense*.

The Beamz Music System - $600 to look like a complete moron for the hour you actually play with it.

* At 2:48 in the video.

A tenacious D

2008-05-13T11:14:00.000-05:00

I have a love/hate relationship with my handwriting. Sometimes I think it's pretty cool, sometimes it's horribly embarrassing. Mostly it just seems superfluous. I do most of my writing with a keyboard, so what does it matter what illegible symbols my hand scratches out?

But there are some forms at work that I still fill out by hand. These are forms I created myself for my own purposes, so maybe there is a part of my brain that still enjoys using a good pen every once in a while.

Anyway, this is all just preamble to my main point.

Look at that D.

That is a freaking sweet D.

I wasn't even trying to make it so awesome. I was just writing and then that happened.

Nice.

(This is the kind of hard-hitting stuff you guys come here for, right?)

Finally

2008-05-09T14:00:00.000-05:00

Spring has finally arrived in Chicago. And not a moment too soon.

It's very pretty.

Coming soon to this blog: actual news about my life?

Please start getting excited!!

2008-05-08T16:56:00.000-05:00

Of course, for every long-standing store that closes, there's a young upstart store ready to make a name for itself.

I took this picture about a week ago. It was on the door of a storefront around Clark and School. I pass it, but only on Wednesdays when coming home from the comic book store. I enjoyed how optimistic the sign was and how politely self-promoting it was as well. It kindly requests that you please start getting excited.

I went in there yesterday, expecting an independent Gamestop-type store where you could trade in your PS2 copy of Madden 2005 for some newer version of Madden.

But this dude is serious.

Sure, there's the requisite amount of modern games for sale. But there's also a mind-boggling amount of classic games and consoles. Would you like a wide variety of NES cartridges? How about a Virtual Boy in its original packaging? How about King's Quest IV: The Perils of Rosella for AMIGA?! WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY AN INTELLIVISION?! A FREAKING INTELLIVISION?!

It is for real impressive.

I give it a couple months.

Another one bites the dust...

2008-04-29T14:27:00.002-05:00

I mean, it's not like all I do is walk around my neighborhood looking for depressing signs of gentrification and upper-class takeover. They're just really hard to avoid.

53 years! According to my calculations, that means Aiko's Art Materials opened in 1955. That's a Back to the Future year! (a designation that implies either pretty far in the past or just barely in the future.)

I always wish I knew more about why businesses close. Maybe it's their choice. Maybe the owners are retiring and they don't want anyone else to run it. Maybe the patriarch of the family passed away and the rebellious son didn't want to go into the family business. Or maybe they lost their lease.

I wonder if they thought way back in 1955 that it would end the way it did.

Of course, I also wonder if they thought they'd last 53 years.

Two hats are better than one?

2008-04-24T23:14:00.002-05:00

Look, I don't claim to know this guy's life. I'm sure he has a perfectly good reason for arranging his headgear the way he does. Maybe he's been burned before when, upon losing a hat, he did not immediately have an auxillary hat to replace it. Perhaps he is the harbinger of a new and utterly ridiculous trend.

At any rate, I think we all have a lot to learn from him. Thanks, guy-with-two-hats*.

*Perhaps he is a mythical creature where if you remove one hat, two more will grow in its place.

Hey, they're being honest

2008-04-21T14:35:00.000-05:00

I was walking to meet a friend for lunch on Michigan Ave the other week and ran across this store on the ground level of a swanky apartment building.

I find their lack of pretense refreshing. They are openly admitting to the consumer, "When walking into this place of business, you are not buying status or comfort or peace of mind. You are buying things."

A new high score!

2008-04-19T10:23:00.002-05:00

A momentous date passed this week and I would be remiss if I did not mention it here. Also, I'm pretty proud of it and so I think you, the Internet, should know.

On Thursday, Rebecca and I celebrated our two-year anniversary. How about that? Two years and we still haven't driven each other crazy. It's got to be some kind of record.

We did it, sweetheart! Happy two-year anniversary!

All good things...

2008-04-15T17:14:00.000-05:00

My run of Second City Conservatory shows ended last Monday the 7th. For those of you who might not know what exactly that means, I'll tell you.

For a little over the past year, I've been a student in the Conservatory, Second City's upper-level training program for improvisation and revue comedy. When you get to Level 5, you start working on your show. Essentially a senior capstone, this show is about 45 minutes of original comedic material written and performed by you and your classmates.

Well, we wrote it. We performed it. And now it's done. If you missed it, you blew it. (Although I do have it forever preserved on a sweet DVD made by our Assistant Director. Thanks, James!)

I was very proud of our final product. I've said it many times before, but I'll keep saying it: I feel amazingly fortunate to have had the classmates and director that I did. Everyone got along really well and helped shape and build on others' ideas . It made for, in my opinion, a pretty darn good show.

It's bittersweet, as most good things that end are. I'll miss my classmates and I'll miss performing with them. But there will be other shows. And last night I had my first free Monday night in quite a few weeks. And it was pretty great.

Besides, to show for all my hard work, I now have this!

That's right, suckers. My family presented me with a diploma that says I have a Masters in Comedic Arts. Take that, idiots who went to law school!

P.S. Thanks to Lindsey for the great YouTube montage.

This is apparently not a joke.

2008-04-14T17:03:00.001-05:00

Okay, people. I've got a few posts stockpiled and some important things to talk about. The end of my Second City show, how awesome I am at Kingdom Hearts II, etc. But all of that will have to wait, because I have a very important announcement.

Attention all creative types in the motion picture industry! All directors, producers, writers, actors, cinematographers, editors and key grips, from the most successful and renowned to the barely born:

You can stop now.

The perfect motion picture has been created.

They will dance for a fee, but devour you for free.

Are you listening, Scorsese? You can stop now. The motion picture has reached its pinnacle and any attempts at surpassing it would be folly.

Let's...play ball?

2008-04-01T14:25:00.003-05:00

Well, it's April again. How about that. Time sure is linear in a four-dimensional plane of existence*.

April means a couple things in my neighborhood: Nicer weather and baseball. Actually, I'm sure it means those things in places other than my neighborhood, but living a few blocks from Wrigley Field seems to exacerbate the effects, especially of the latter.

Basically, it's the time of year when stupid people come out and get really stupid in groups. This leads to incidents like stolen car covers and swiped cheese fries**. What I'm saying is that things get both stolen and barfed on.

This of course leads us to the question why I chose to live in the heart of Cubs Village if the fans annoy me so much. The fact that 3 out of the 4 theaters at which I regularly perform are within blocks of my apartment provides a quick answer.

I guess what I am saying here is that I look at baseball season as a 6-month side effect. A side effect that is occasionally good for bits and therefore tolerable. I just wish there was a time when the nice weather and baseball did not immediately coincide.

Here's a report from Opening Day:

Fukudome debut spoiled by Cubs' loss to Brewers

When Kosuke Fukudome hit a three-run homer off Milwaukee closer Eric Gagne to tie the season opener in the bottom of the ninth inning Monday, fans all over Wrigley Field held up professionally made signs with English words on one side and Japanese on the other.

It was meant to be a two-sided version of the phrase "It's Gonna Happen." But something got lost in translation, and the Japanese side read: "It's An Accident."

I don't think we could have asked for a better start than that.

* My favorite new saying when someone says they can't believe it's (day/month/time of year) already. I'm sure nerds are already crafting their comments to tell me how incorrect I am, but I like saying it.
** A story that I now realize I never shared in this space. This must be rectified soon. Perhaps a theme week is in order. Reminiscings by Tim***.
*** Hey, I'm posting again!

They called him Dennis

2008-03-12T15:38:00.001-05:00

This is hardly topical or really even applicable, but I took these pictures a while ago and since the ol' blog is kind of hurting for content at the moment, I thought I'd use them.

I feel like I could dedicate an entire blog to the empty storefronts and failed business ventures of my neighborhood. Rents are high and businesses are hard and so pretty much every week, something you walked by every day has disappeared.

Dennis' Place for Games was just like that. It was a real arcade in a time when real arcades aren't supposed to exist outside of a chain restaurant. And before I give the impression of nostalgia for the establishment, let me also say that it was super sketchy.

These signs are only a small sampling of the posted requirements to enter and inhabit Dennis' Place. Not long after I moved to the city, I noticed the place and thought to myself, "Cool, an arcade near my home." I walked in, took one lap around the place and walked right back out. It was not an inviting, warm or particularly safe-feeling place.

Also, they did not have Silent Scope.

Well, the citizens of Lakeview can rest easy once more. The former home of Dennis' Place for Games now sits vacant, ready to eventually become another weird business.

No, Mgmt. WE are sorry.

The word on the street is that Dennis' Place is the latest victim in Alderman Tom Tunney's "Clean Up Belmont" campaign. If that's the case, then mission partially accomplished.

Still, it always kind of makes me sad to see businesses fail. I'm sure someone started that place with the best of intentions and I'm sure that some people will miss it. When I see an empty storefront, I always wonder what happened to it. I'm sure it's very rarely the choice of the renter to shut down.

One storefront on Clark Street has been about 4 or 5 different things in the 2 years I've lived here. I vividly remember seeing a young girl, maybe college-age, painting her heart out and making it into a cute little accessories shop that I'm sure she had been dreaming of opening for a long time.

It lasted maybe 3 months.

It's a head shop now. And inexplicably, those never close.

Tagged, you're it.

2008-03-01T16:17:00.003-06:00

I've never been much for chain letters or any sort of 'pass-it-along' type endeavor, but this isn't threatening to kill me or ruin my life, so I'll do it. Also, Lynette told me too and I can't let her down. I mean, we cohosted 'Powdered Toast of the Town' on KDCS. That kind of bond can't be broken or denied.

Here's the game I'm apparently playing:
123 Meme Rules: (1) Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating! (2) Turn to page 123. (3) Find the first 5 sentences. (4) Post the next 3 sentences. (5) Tag 5 people.

As you can see by the accompanying picture, I'm in a bit of a Klosterman phase at the moment. So this is from Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas.

"Bats Day began in 1998. At the time, it was just an excuse to be weird. A few regulars from Hollywood goth clubs like Helter Skelter and Perversion decided to drop acid and walk around Disneyland on a summer afternoon."

A strangely coherent set of sentences from an excellent article.

I'll tag my brother, Matt Larsen, Scott, Tara and Emeric, just because I want to see what kind of boring legal crap he'll have to write.

Hooray for silly Internet games that lead to easy blog posts!

And the clock struck midnight

2008-02-19T16:17:00.002-06:00

In slightly more predictable news, Tim Ryder was knocked out of his workplace's ping pong tournament in the second round by a fellow Account Coordinator.

After the defeat, Ryder was observed to be shaking his head and muttering, "Yeah...this feels about right."

It's fun to make believe

2008-02-13T15:11:00.003-06:00

In slightly more optimistic news, my Second City Conservatory classmates and I have started our run of Level 5 shows. Our first one was unfortunately canceled due to low attendance, but we had plenty of people this week and so got to put up our first show, the highlights of which you can see in the above video, lovingly shot and edited by our own Lindsey. Well done there.

Of course, wouldn't you know that our director got sick just in time to miss our first real set, so we can't get any notes on it. That's a bummer.

But I'm really happy of the stuff we're putting up and proud of the work I've done with this class as a whole. I feel really fortunate to have the classmates I do, especially when hearing other people's horror stories about the weird dude who threatens to kill you in every scene.

It's also been my honor to teach my classmates everything I know about LARPing, which is apparently a lot. Or at least a lot more than you might expect. (You can see the scene where this comes into play briefly in the video. You'll know it because I'm holding a yellow foam sword that is actually a child's pool toy.)

We've only just begun, so please feel free to come check out the show! Every Monday night until the end of March. 8:00 (be there by 7:45 for tickets, which are only $5) at Second City etc in Piper's Alley (North and Wells).

And yes, I am getting a lap dance in one of the scenes. Calm down. It's just pretend.

Watch all about it

2008-02-12T14:24:00.001-06:00

I finally got around to watching the series finale of Extras this weekend. Rebecca got me Series 2 for Christmas and I wanted to rewatch it to refresh my memory.

I could lie and say that I watched the finale On Demand or something but the fact is that I downloaded it the day after it came out. It's just been sitting on my hard drive since then. Whatever, I'll buy it on DVD eventually. Calm down, HBO.

Bottom line: it's brilliant. Hilarious and heartbreaking. And further proof that some of the best comedies (or at least the most satisfying) are very nearly dramas. Yes, I did cry at one bit. And that's saying something - I'm not a big crier.

Sadly, as good as it was, it had the ultimate effect of being somewhat discouraging. I must have sat on my bed for at least 10 or 15 minutes after it ended, thinking, "I could go my entire life and never create something this good."

What do you do with a thought like that?

At long last...

2008-02-09T15:34:00.001-06:00

After almost 2 years of being comedy nomads, ComedySportz finally has a home.

Next Friday is our first official performance in our brand new theater located at 929 W. Belmont. It's a gorgeous space with a great stage, new lights and sound, a bar out in the lobby and a box office at street level. Of course, it's also three blocks from my apartment, so it could be crap and I'd still love it. But it's not. It's amazing.

It's strange - I only got to play in the space on Halsted for about a month after I was hired. Then it was torn down to make condos (a project that has remained insultingly incomplete, last I checked). So for the majority of my ComedySportz career, we've been 'on the road,' setting up shop in other people's houses, never quite getting comfortable with where we were. It'll almost be more weird to perform in a space that's expressly ours.

I've already had a couple shows in the new space - one really fun and great, one kind of weird and not so great. So it's not a magic cure-all for shows and it's not something I'm quite used to yet.

But it's home.

It's considered a morale booster

2008-02-07T11:13:00.001-06:00

In what many commentators are calling 'a major upset,' Tim Ryder won his first round match against a top-seeded player in the 2008 Paddle Royale yesterday.

Post-victory, Ryder was described by onlookers as 'bewildered.'

More cube news

2008-02-04T17:25:00.000-06:00

For Christmas, in lieu of a gift or a bonus, a couple of our higher-ups purchased two llamas* for impoverished workers in Central America. I thought this was actually pretty cool, as I'm doing okay but I bet those guys really appreciated the llama.

Also, they named one of the llama* Dolly. Dolly Llama.

We're a creative bunch around here.

To go in tandem with the gift, an award was instituted: The Dolly Llama Award. To be awarded to the employee who has been working the hardest under tough conditions. Also the one who's been eating the worst and spitting a lot? I wasn't entirely clear on the criteria.

Anyway, I was the inaugural recipient.

I won the traveling trophy you see above. It's very soft and my boss had to go all the way to the zoo to find a stuffed llama, so I'm pretty proud of it.

It was supposed to be a monthly award. It's February and no one has tried to take it away. I don't plan on reminding anyone.

*Plural of llama - llama or llamas**? Discuss.
**Lorenzo Lamas?

Portrait of a cube, Part whatever-number-I'm-on

2008-01-24T14:31:00.000-06:00

When we reorganized the office last year, I switched floors and also cubicles. I took the opportunity to redecorate or, more accurately, refrain from putting my old decorations back up.

Instead, I opted for these two nature shots I found in a stack of old documents a while back. So now instead of a seizure-inducing array of magazine clippings, ads and trinkets adorning my walls, I have a much more austere, almost zen-like design scheme. The pictures are situated above my computer screen in my direct line of sight.

Some days, I completely forget to even look at them.

There are many exciting things happening nowadays, but they have nothing to do with my cubicle decorations, so they will have to wait.

The audacity of it all

2008-01-14T16:51:00.001-06:00

Last week I was informed that I had been placed on a Harold team at iO. These teams are the performing units of the theater and getting picked to be on one is pretty exciting. With the sheer number of students that go through the iO Training Center, it's difficult to stand out, which makes this a real honor.

I know a couple of my teammates from previous levels and am excited to work with them again. And I'm looking forward to getting to know the rest of the team.

The name of the team is currently 'Audacity of Hope,' which discerning readers may recognize as the title of one of Barack Obama's books. Although it's pretty cheesy, I do kind of like it. However, these assigned names are usually changed very quickly.

Reactions from my family:

Mom: So with the iO long form, will the shows be similar to what we saw with your team before? Will we ever “get it?” Love, Mom

Josh: that's great news about the herald team

It's good to keep things in perspective.

New recruits for a new year

2008-01-10T15:35:00.000-06:00

I decided in late '07 that one of my New Year's Resolutions would be to write more. I have valiantly followed through on that resolution by not blogging since Christmas.

I am nothing if not resolute.

This writing I speak of will not always take the form of blogging, of course. With my Second City Level 5 show coming up, I will be doing some sketch and perhaps even song writing. And I'd like to continue creatively writing past that. But hopefully this will lend itself to more output on this here blog.

This promise has been made in the past. I am nothing if not mindful of history.

As for the picture, I merely wanted to show you the newest member of the cubicle army. It's Mr. T and he goes all floppy if you press the bottom of his base. It makes me laugh to make Mr. T go all floppy.

I am nothing if not a man of simple pleasures.

He's already a sargeant!

2007-12-22T23:39:00.001-06:00

Looks like the cubicle army has a new addition! Thanks to my boss, Dwight now has a Michael Scott to serve beside. It's what the holidays are all about, isn't it?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Saga of the lamp

2007-12-04T19:20:00.000-06:00

Have I been withholding my writings in a show of support for the striking WGA members? Sure, let's go with that.

However, it stops now. (My withholding, not my support. Stay strong, we're all on the same page, etc.)

Once upon a time, I bought a lamp. It was, of course, from IKEA. I am a twenty-something city dweller, after all. It was a nice little table lamp with a pull chain and cool little glass globule over the bulb. I wish I could find a picture of it, but suffice it to say that it did not look anything like this:

This was the sight that greeted me as I returned home the day we had maids clean our apartment. Having maids come was the second-best decision the apartment has ever made and the best is when we had them clean the first time.

Unfortunately, this time was not so awesome. They tried to work an hour past when Tara told them to stop and also, quite obviously, broke my lamp. However, they made no mention of the incident, left no note and I guess just hoped that I wouldn't notice that my cool lamp had been reduced to a bulb on a stick. I would give them credit for cleaning up the broken glass, but that is their job.

So Tara called to complain, there was a whole rigmarole where she tried to cancel her check but they had already cashed it and a couple days later I walk into my room and see this:
Apparently the two maids came back and, having a change of heart but not merely wanting to reimburse me for the cost of the lamp, decided to take my decor into their own hands and simply buy me a new one.

They then asked Tara if they could have the old one. If they could have the old one.

It's now the belief of the apartment that they simply were jealous of the lamp, stole the globule and concocted this elaborate scheme to obtain the base and reassemble the lamp later.

So I have a new lamp now. It's okay. The frosted glass is a little much, but it's a touch lamp and that reminds me of old times and grandmothers' houses, so that's fun.

The moral of the story is to not trust maids, but I bet most of you knew that already.

Why We Fight

2007-11-13T22:19:00.000-06:00

As I am tangentially connected* to the entertainment industry, a couple of family members have asked me what this Writer's strike is all about. Here it is, in simple terms. It's about getting compensated fairly for your work, regardless of the medium.

It's a tough pill to swallow, knowing that this Thursday will be the last new episode of The Office for a while, maybe for the season. But the cause is just.

I proudly support the Writers Guild of America.

*Connected is in the loosest possible of meanings here. If the entertainment industry were playing in Wrigley Field, I would be trying to peer through the fence at Fenway**.

**No, I don't know why the entertainment industry is playing baseball in my analogy. Let's just be proud that I know something about baseball and move on.

I mean, come on

2007-11-12T14:57:00.001-06:00

This is a souvenir you can purchase to remember your experiences at a museum of science. Seriously.

You get an 8x10", four wallet-sized pics and a keychain.

To paraphrase Luke, "If there's a plausible center of the universe, you're at the exhibit that it's farthest from."

An elegant weapon from a more civilized age

2007-11-07T23:41:00.000-06:00

So...yes. Star Wars at a museum. Gazing rapturously at Star Wars memorabilia under the auspices of learning.

It is a combination most profound. Surely the boon of many a field-tripping youngster.

After a few conciliatory attempts at building a mag-lev vehicle out of Legos, we abandoned all pretenses of being there to learn and proceeded to merely enjoy. Original costumes, props, models and what were essentially our childhood dreams made tangible were on display.

Rebecca, Josh and I enjoyed our time there most thoroughly. Hooray for Star Wars, a half-hearted thumbs-up for science, mostly because I couldn't get my stupid mag-lev vehicle to work right.

Wars between stars

2007-11-05T23:39:00.000-06:00

Oh man, so much to talk about. I turned a quarter of a century and celebrated by enjoying culture. The Sparrow, The Decemberists, Dashboard Confessional, Comedians of Comedy - all perhaps deserving a post of their own. Whether they will in fact get one remains to be seen. I have little photo evidence to prove I was at any of the above events. Suffice it to say - they were all great.

But nothing was as great as this.

That's my brother. He's in charge of the spiritual development of youth.

More soon...

Portrait of a cube, part 1

2007-10-16T17:13:00.001-05:00

My cubicle army is ready to mobilize at a moment's notice. You might recognize Clango from previous musings, but the rest are new, at least to you. That's obviously Bobblehead Dwight (not representing the current unshaven, hilariously downtrodden Dwight), a turtle with a bouncy neck and a Sacagawea dollar stood on its edge.

They are a mighty force. Mess with them at your own peril.

Okay, the coin is maybe not as intimidating, but I keep it around so my space is more like the Batcave.

There's got to be a drinking establishment called The Space Bar, right?

2007-10-15T17:12:00.001-05:00

I've been trying to break a bad habit recently.

It's nothing scandalous. It's not gambling or drinking or even cracking my knuckles. I don't think I'll ever stop doing any of those things. I have written proof from 3rd-5th grade that my New Year's Resolution was to stop cracking my knuckles. If the sheer willpower of a 4th grader couldn't do it, I doubt it'll ever happen. In fact, it's gotten worse. I now pop my knees. I will be in a wheelchair by the age of 38.

No, this is a simple typing habit, one that I've been doing ever since I learned the skill from Mavis Beacon. I hit the space bar twice after every period. But according to a book by some writer who is not Mork,this is incorrect.

It is not the most amazing of differences. It is the difference between this. And this*. You see my point.

Really, I wouldn't even bother except that it occasionally does mess with layout, but mostly with GChat and away messages. And that stuff is important. So I am breaking it as we speak.

It should be noted that Lynette told me about this years ago and I am just now heeding her words. I hope you're happy, Lynette.

* After posting a couple times and editing, I have realized that Blogger will automatically edit my double-spacebar-hitting into one. So what the heck was the point of me trying.

Friday in the park with Niki (and Rebecca)

2007-09-26T17:56:00.000-05:00

Lest the dear reader think that I am insinuating that nothing exciting is happening in MY life, allow me to direct the dear reader to think again.

On a recent (read: almost a month ago) Friday, Rebecca and I ventured outside our comfortable neighborhood to experience some culture.

It should be noted at this point that our preferred form of culture is giant skull sculptures.
These are the sculptures of Niki de Saint Phalle, on display at the Garfield Park Conservatory. They are fun and colorful and some of them are climbable.

This picture is humourous because it appears that I am riding the giant seal backwards.

The sculptures are placed all throughout the gardens, both inside and out. Some are just for looking, but some are also for climbing and sitting. Most of them are for fun picture taking, as Rebecca and I discovered. These are but a small sample.

This picture is humourous because I was directed to make the flower look like it was Rebecca's thought.

It was a beautiful day and much fun was had. It's there through the end of October and is highly recommended for any visitors to our fair city.

This picture is humourous because we are in the belly of a giant cat and yet are not being digested.

More exciting things about my brother's life

2007-09-18T17:55:00.000-05:00

I hope I'm not breaking some sort of press embargo with these pictures, but I had them and thought they were worth sharing.

This is Cocoa. She is a good puppy. She regrettably does not belong to me but instead to Josh and Allyn, who I suppose are more suited at this point for dog ownership anyway.

Cocoa enjoys other dogs, chewing on PS2 cables and not responding to her name. She is learning how to bark.

Cocoa is an excellent poser. And by that I mean she stands still for pictures, not that she pretends to enjoy punk music.

They are some seriously yellow walls

2007-09-11T01:50:00.000-05:00

I visited my brother and his wife over Labor Day weekend to see their new house, new workplace and new puppy*. My dad reminded me that I should take this picture to complete the series (of two.)

Josh: You're still an idiot.

Well, that may be, but I'm an idiot who's about to plug the relaunching of your blog, so be cool.

That's right, computers. Josh's blog, Life in the Lane, long thought dead, is alive again. Does this make it a zombie blog? Should you immediately get up the stairs, then destroy the stairs**? You can decide.

I believe it will be an insightful look into the world of a youth pastor as he tries to make his way in the world and teach his dog to recognize her name***.

*She deserves her own post, which is coming soon.
**#6 of the Top 10 rules contained within the Zombie Survival Guide. I have been made fun of for taking this book so seriously. We'll see who's laughing when you all get infected.
***Project status: ambivalent.

Can't think of a thing

2007-09-06T22:58:00.001-05:00

One of the perks of the job I hold currently is the occasional fun team outing. Our clients were in town this week and we had a grand time watching the Cubs game from a nearby rooftop.

A great view, no rain and a come-from-behind Dodgers win. What more could you ask for?

Improving on Garfield, Part 1

2007-08-29T16:46:00.001-05:00

A denizen of a message board recently posited a theory that Garfield's humor can be assumed to be at a level of 0. Therefore any attempt to alter or recontextualize the strip cannot help but improve upon it.

Method 1: Assume that Garfield has been dead or starving to death since 1989.

A series of strips published just before Halloween in 1989 paints a startling picture of a world in which Garfield's house is abandoned and his friends have disappeared.

While Jon Davis apparently meant the series as a comment on the fear of loneliness, it make things more palatable to imagine the present banal strips as the last defense mechanisms of a starving cat in the throes of denial.

Method 2: The Crazy Jon theory

Removing all of Garfield's thought bubbles places the focus on Jon Arbuckle and results in a more surreal and occasionally hilarious comic strip. More examples can be found by clicking on the picture and by clicking here and here.

Method 3: Consider it a lost cause and move on.

This is probably for the best, but it's fun to freak Tara out with the "Garfield is Dead" theory.

Update:

Method 4: Condense the entire strip to one panel.

Nice.

Method 5: Googly Eyes

Yikes.

It's just science

2007-08-27T07:55:00.000-05:00

There's been a bit of a cleaning kick around the ol' apartment recently, which is to say that there's been slightly more cleaning than none at all.

I should have done a before and after picture of my shower, but that would have been too embarrassing. Let's just say it's now much less...mildewy.

This particular adventure started when I wanted something to drink other than the milk and juice I had in the fridge. So I started asking the available roommates whose 2-liter of Sprite Zero was in there. Turns out it was no one's.

This gets Jon all curious about what might be in that paper bag sitting in the fridge. Well, the picture speaks for itself. We have reason to believe it was once Chinese takeout, but only from the container can anything about the contents be determined. The material itself no longer resembles anything other than a solid foam mold that you stick plastic flower stems into.

We talked about it when Tara got home. In the course of the conversation, we determined that it was over a year old.

And it was Jon's.

The aftermath

2007-08-25T12:01:00.001-05:00

So...yeah. Big storm in Chicago on Thursday. I'm fine, the apartment is fine, the car is fine, but all these pics are from the neighborhood. Guess we were pretty fortunate to not have trees around.

Pretty chump move from the trees, in my opinion. Falling down. Come on, trees.

Those two guys are very slowly hacking the tree to bits. Sorry, tree. You got yourself into this.

I mean, that's a big trunk that just decided it was done supporting itself. Yikes.

The sky was quite pretty today. Funny.

At least he realizes it's a joke at this point. At least I think he does.

2007-08-22T17:19:00.001-05:00

Okay, now imagine a dozen big dudes in matching black suits with earpieces patrolling the sidewalk.

Also, a miniature red carpet.

Add a couple of those big searchlights to shoot into the sky to tell the world that something exciting is happening and if only they could triangulate the location of those searchlights, maybe they too could join in the excitement.

If your imagination is still intact, add to it the fact that R.Kelly was presumably in the vicinity.

Now you're starting to get a sense of the level of excitement on Southport last night. I presume that it was a sort of premiere for the new chapters of his epic urban operetta "Trapped in the Closet."

I would have just taken a picture of the excitement rather than the aftermath, but I don't think the suited dudes would have stood for it.

It's not really him. Well, it could be.

2007-08-21T17:04:00.001-05:00

I was feeling a deficiency of whatever vitamin you get from direct sunlight, so I took my lunch to the plaza and ate outside today.

Lenny Kravitz was nonplussed.

That's a promise I make to you, the American people

2007-08-20T12:23:00.001-05:00

Look, I've got nothing against the French as a whole, but this is ridiculous.

The name, yes. Obviously. But also the fact that a wanna-be French bistro is touting its quesadillas.

I will never eat here.

It is truly a historic day

2007-08-16T17:06:00.001-05:00

My brother Josh has somehow conned his way into a position as Youth Minister at a church in northern Illinois. Yesterday, he informed me that I made the cut to be some sort of beneficiary and I should call him with important information that he should probably already know.

Josh: Associate Pastor in charge of Youth Ministry.
Me: Really? That's how you're going to answer the phone?
Josh: I haven't worked it out entirely. It's my second day.

It should be noted that most of his first day was taken up with hiking. Apparently, youth minister office hours = hiking on the clock.

Me: Hey, this is pretty fun. I'm calling your work phone from my work phone. I even had to get past your receptionist.
Josh: Mom would probably want a picture of this moment, if only she could figure out how.
Me: I'll just take a picture of me on the phone and you take a picture of you and we'll put them together in post. I'm getting my camera now.

(I step away from the mic to get my camera.)

Me: Okay, I'm taking the picture now...done. I took it. Did you take yours?
Josh: ...
Josh: You're an idiot.

Start the skinny jokes

2007-08-15T17:20:00.001-05:00

Are we still in the dog days of summer? I should look up what that means. I can't imagine it just implies there are dogs around. That doesn't seem special at all. There are always dogs around.

Ah, we certainly are still in them.

At any rate, it's been really hot in Chicago recently. As much as I longed for these days in February, now I find myself just longing for a time when I can walk home without having to change shirts afterwards.

When I wait for the bus in the morning, I seek out whatever shade I can. The above picture is my view on most mornings. It's what passes for Chicago foliage on certain corners.

But necessary

2007-08-14T16:41:00.000-05:00

This is just getting ridiculous.

Wanted: some peace and quiet, dagnabit!

2007-08-13T16:57:00.001-05:00

This weekend, among many other exciting adventures, our neighborhood turned Hollywood as the motion picture Wanted, starring Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie, filmed nearby.

On Saturday there were a few big trucks around and Tara, swept up in the excitement, took Jon and my cousin Quinn to investigate. They hoped to see at least a glimpse of a big star but caught only "a lot of wires."

On Sunday things got even more exciting as the streets got even more crowded. The picture is a view from my window at a trailer below. Tara, again swept up in the excitement, proclaimed it to be an actor's trailer. We quickly decided it was Morgan Freeman's.

My mind quickly drifted into daydreamland. I was walking down the steps on the way to the outside world when Mr. Narration himself stepped out of the trailer. "Good morning, Mr. Freeman," I'd say nonchalantly. "It's an honor to have you in our neighborhood."

"Why thank you, young man," he'd reply. "How would you like to accompany me to the set? The actor playing my son just fell ill and I think you'd be a perfect replacement.* And please, call me Morgan." And we would be the best of friends for all of time!

Later, I really did walk downstairs and snuck a look in the trailer. It held mostly catering supplies.

* Don't overthink it.

Don't worry, kids. No spoilers.

2007-07-20T16:53:00.001-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, everyone. I've got a bad case of Harry Potter Fever and in this day and age, that translates into a healthy case of spoiler-phobia.

Of course, this doesn't really explain why I haven't posted. It's not like I've been completely avoiding the Internet. Even if I had, it's not like I would run into spoilers on my own blog. I'd have to post them myself.

Let's just accept that my excuses are pointless and move on.

It has been quite a nerdy couple of weeks, however. I was silly enough to attend a midnight premiere of "Order of the Phoenix*" with some ComedySportz and Second City friends. I think I was the only one headed to a day job in the morning. That's how dedicated/reckless I am. And I reread "Half-Blood Prince" to get ready. And last night I watched "Goblet of Fire" on demand**.

Tonight I'm going to a midnight book release of the seventh and final book. I'm looking forward to some costumes and general silliness.

Boy, this is a great time to be a nerd.

* Strange midnight premiere phenomena: the entire crowd turning into a "Saved By the Bell" studio audience and oooohing when Harry and Cho kissed. Come on, people. We've all read the books. Were you surprised by this turn of events?

** Hey, On Demand is a fun thing. Rebecca thinks Harry Potter is dumb but thinks Star Wars is awesome, so it balances. When we discovered all the Star Wars episodes were available free through HBO On Demand, we watched Eps. III, V and VI in the span of a couple weekends. What a cool girlfriend I have***.

*** Haven't done the footnote bit in a while****. It's still fun.

***** Who am I kidding, I haven't posted in a while.

I guessed it right away

2007-06-29T15:45:00.000-05:00

The men of ComedySportz (heretoafter known as Champion's Club) met at Lincoln Square Lanes for a long-awaited outing last night. The ladies of CSz meet fairly regularly for fun times. The guys never do. So this was a big deal, and the 7 people who came really enjoyed themselves.

In this picture, Martin is ironically using the hand dryer.

Me: I'm always surprised to discover that the hand dryer still exists. In my mind, it's solely a conceit for improvisers to signify a setting or activity.
Martin: Ah, like so many things in life.

It is kind of a sad truth. I can think of a few things where I knew of the joke before I knew of the reality, Joe Cocker first and foremost among them.

Adventures in advance promotion

2007-06-21T15:41:00.001-05:00

Rebecca and I had about an hour to kill before we saw "Knocked Up" the other night. (It was very funny and sweet, but 2 hours and 9 minutes? Come on, Apatow. Save some jokes for the DVD.)

Anyway, we amused ourselves by taking pictures of each other with the various large promotional pieces scattered around the lobby.

We decided to skip the large "Balls of Fury" cutout, even though it had a designated space where you could stand and stick your head through so it looked like you were in the cast. Neither of us even wanted to pretend to be in that movie.

I took a picture with the Underdog poster, but even though I enjoy Jason Lee, a live-action flying dog does nothing but blaspheme yet another treasured childhood memory, so I will refrain from sharing that here.

After about 15 minutes of this nonsense, we decided to go upstairs to the theaters. There we found a Galaga machine and immediately regretted wasting those 15 minutes.

Brilliant, the Vic. Just brilliant.

2007-06-18T20:40:00.000-05:00

Yep. Those certainly are two movies with motorcycles in them.

It's normally Concordes. That's the joke.

2007-06-08T15:17:00.001-05:00

This is the latest installment of me telling everyone who reads this about what's happening in my life by sharing a funny video I found on the Internet.

Flight of the Conchords is New Zealand's fourth most popular folk-comedy duo. And they've parlayed that impressive standing into a series on HBO. You can watch the entire first episode on the Internet. If the first episode is any indication, it should be pretty great.

After I stumbled upon that episode, I watched everything I could find of theirs on YouTube, which includes some pretty great songs like the full version of The Humans are Dead, Business Time and the Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros.

I realize I'm probably pretty late to this train. If so, why has no one informed me about this train? Were there not tickets available at an earlier time? Was there a closer stop to my apartment than the one I found? Please, people. Trains like this need to be boarded.

(S)Kid nation

2007-05-31T17:12:00.000-05:00

You guys, this is what reality programming is all about. Intricate Machiavellian social experiments, broadcast for the enlightenment of Americans.

Starring 40 children.

Get ready to cheer, cry and be appalled at the parents who would let their child be on this show. Seriously, why couldn't you just send your kids to summer camp like the rest of your book club?

10 years of improv communism

2007-05-16T17:09:00.000-05:00

As you may infer from the logo, The Playground is celebrating its 10th Anniversary this week. The Senate was asked to open last night's show, which was an honor we jumped upon with vigorous abandon, if indeed that is something one can do. It is possible I am combining several phrases for effect.

At any rate, The Playground is a great theater that has been a wonderful place to perform in my relatively short time in the city. And it's the nation's first non-profit improv co-op. So that's something. Take that, other theaters who have actual owners.

Check this place out if you're ever in town, but especially this week. It's a great place and I hope it's around for another 10 years and more.

In other news, my brother just called. He's hanging around LAX on a layover before he and his wife go to Hawaii. Within three minutes, he met Supernanny and saw Calista Flockhart and Rob Lowe.

I said he should have asked Rob Lowe about Atomic Train. He said that, in his mind, he punched Rob Lowe in the face.

What a magical fairyland!

This was a children's show?

2007-05-10T15:03:00.000-05:00

Seriously, you guys. I don't know why we weren't more terrified of this show at the time. Because looking at it now, we should have run for our lives.

Maybe it's the mostly black backgrounds, signifying that this show is taking place in some kind of vortex where no light dare show its face.

Maybe it's the super-creepy puppets with tall teeth and horrible hair and faces ripped from the very fabric of evil itself.

Maybe it's the overall sense of foreboding that comes from that echoing "Hall of Fame." *shiver*

Regardless, it was, and remains to be, a very strange show. But I guess it taught me about letters?

Thanks for the nightmares, Letter People!

P.S. And it was produced by KETC in St. Louis? I trusted you, KETC!

P.P.S. Check out this one for a Mr. X who talks like Jimmy Stewart and then the trippiest Letter People song EVER. No wonder it never made it to air.

On the shoulders of (kinda short) giants

2007-04-30T07:57:00.000-05:00

So the ComedySportz CIF show went really well, thanks to a house full of screaming high school band kids. We get it, band geeks. Say a musical term and you'll scream in recognition. Name a specific instrument and that section will cheer with pride. If that section is two or less people (I'm looking at you, Sousaphones), those two dudes will stand up and pump their arms in representation of all Sousaphone players everywhere.

It's almost Pavlovian at this point. And I love it.

It was still a great show even apart from the easily excitable band kids. I was really honored to be chosen to play in the CIF show with MadTV's Frank Caeti*. I think I was the only person onstage who had been playing with CSz for less than 4 or 5 years. Maybe all the other newbies were busy doing their one-person show and getting a development deal with Comedy Central, I don't know. But I still feel pretty proud about it.

It's still cool to feel proud about things, right guys? Shut up.

* Super nice guy.

He played Sweetchuck

2007-04-27T15:25:00.000-05:00

This week is the Chicago Improv Festival, which means that a lot of cool shows are going on and a few comedy celebrities are hanging about. This makes for pretty fun times. Unfortunately, the only shows I have time to go to are the ones that I'm in.

Which of course isn't bad. I'm very proud to be a part of two shows in CIF this year. One, pictured above, was on Wednesday - a special edition of The Improv Match Game. Tim Kazurinsky (not pictured) of SNL and Police Academy fame, played on the panel and Tim Meadows was seen to be hanging around the bar*.

Check out this clip of The Improv Match Game on WGN Morning News. Proof that sometimes, even morning newscasters can be stupid. (You'll notice I played no part in it. I'm the announcer for The IMG, so there was really nothing for me to do. Plus it was super early.)

And then tonight, I'm in the offical ComedySportz entry into CIF. I'll be playing against a team captained by MadTV's Frank Caeti. Frank was a great ComedySportz player when he was in Chicago and has been a champion for (and of) the theater ever since, so I'm really looking forward to it.

* It's annoying, but there seem to be a lot of Tims in comedy. Aside from those two examples, I can think of at least 5 or 6 other Tims in the Chicago improv scene off the top of my head. Are Tims more sociologically predisposed to be funny? Or at least desire attention? Someone should do a study.

Who wouldn't want to swing on a star, really.

2007-04-24T16:42:00.000-05:00

I'm not entirely sure what to make of this one. I come to you, my friends of discerning and sharply-honed taste in all matters of popular culture.

Stardust is, ostensibly, a major motion picture. I can only assume that it will be released in theaters somewhere around the vicinity of August 10th.

You may now take a couple minutes to enjoy the trailer for said motion picture.

On the surface, it has many elements that seem to imply quality. It's based on a graphic novel by Neil Gaiman and Charles Vess. That's some solid geek cred right there. It has, if not a blockbuster main cast, at least some wonderful secondary casting: Ricky Gervais, as pretty much the same guy as always. And I think the world has waited quite long enough to see Robert DeNiro as a sky pirate, thank you. Plus, it's a magical world of fantasy and adventure. What more could you want?

Here then, are my questions:

1) Should we be excited?
2) If so, why aren't we excited yet?

I just happened to find this trailer during my weekly perusal of the Apple trailer site. This is not the sort of thing one should stumble upon whilst carousing about the Interwebs. That pleasure is reserved for things like Russian Ark (96-minute take, cooler in idea than in execution) or discovering that they made a sequel to Cube.

I know that August leaves a lot of time for a big marketing push, but still. For a movie that looks as expensive as this one does, you would think the name would come up from time to time. People have been talking about Transformers for some time now and we're just starting to get official trailers and whatnot.

Why then, has there been no mention of DeNiro as a sky pirate?

Perhaps people have been talking about Stardust and I merely assumed they were speaking of the Ziggy variety. If that is the case, I do not apologize. It is an excellent song.

See, here's the exception

2007-04-18T23:50:00.001-05:00

Happy anniversary, Rebecca. We did it! A picture with a quilt in the background! Hooray!

You know what's NOT typical? Ro getting all mad about stuff.

2007-04-16T17:27:00.000-05:00

MUTEMATH - "Typical"

Hey, look everybody! A really cool music video! Nothing to get upset about here!

Sure, the filming stuff then playing it backward thing has been done (see: Coldplay's "The Scientist," among others), but it's still pretty cool! Certainly nothing to get all riled up about! No sir. No excessive outbursts needed in the comment section of THIS post!

Seriously though. People are mad because I don't talk much about or post pictures of my girlfriend (who is, without a doubt, pretty awesome)? Here's why:

a) I'm not a 14-year-old with a Livejournal. Some things are private.
b) It would make Ro happy. From here on out, I'm basing all blog (and really, life) choices on how much they could potentially frustrate Ro. Because I think it's pretty funny.
c) Rebecca has yet to have a picture taken of her in this lifetime that she would approve for public consumption. I like them, but she's picky.

So it's doubtful that you'll be seeing much of her, not because I'm not proud, but because I'm not a jerk.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule...

P.S. That is a pretty cool video, right? Come on.

Seriously, she was good

2007-04-10T00:53:00.000-05:00

This is Addie. Well, technically it's Addie and me, but I figured most of you would recognize me. Addie is the dog.

I met Addie when I went with my girlfriend Rebecca to visit her family in Texas over Easter. Addie is a relatively new addition to the family, so both Rebecca and I were meeting her for the first time. We learned many things about her, such as:

Her favorite toy is a little tire on a rope, which she will slobber all over and then dare you to grab it from her mouth.
She is an excellent jumper, especially when attempting to get the tire on a rope.
Just when I've calmed her down enough to pet her, she can be riled up again by Rebecca singing Abba songs and excitedly waving her arms. She will then jump some more. (Addie, not Rebecca.)
She is easily excitable, especially by snow.

Yes, snow. Texas over Easter weekend = 3 inches of snow. Addie liked to eat it.

Most of my pictures from the weekend are of Addie because she was such a good girl.

It sounds like Brave Saint Saturn

2007-03-23T16:52:00.000-05:00

It's possible that working in an office for a year has caused me to devolve to the point where funny pictures of cats with captions are now hilarious to me. If that is the case, I apologize.

But I don't think Myrtle in the next cube over would find Astro Cat on a Moog quite as funny as I do. And that makes me feel pretty okay about it.

I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? - Making captioned pictures of adorable animals safe again. For all of us.

It's not delivery, it's cumbersome

2007-03-16T17:10:00.000-05:00

So Tara, my roommate and bane of my existence, does this promotion for DiGiorno's last weekend. Apparently, she was paid in free samples. This is our freezer now.

Thanks for making me move a bunch of stuff around to get to my Hot Pockets, td. Geez.

P.S. Can I have one? Or are they all for Braders*?

*Our other roommate who makes an oven pizza pretty much every night. He probably wet himself when he opened the freezer door and saw that. Right, Braders? Come on.

Newbies no more

2007-03-06T17:19:00.001-06:00

ComedySportz held auditions this week for new ensemble members. That means it's been almost a year since I was hired. Crazy times. It's weird thinking about my class not being "the newbies" anymore.

It's been a heck of a year for CSz. We moved out of one space, watched it get torn down and then watched absolutely nothing get built there. (The lot is still rubble. Thanks for making us move out, jerks.) Since then, we've kind of been nomads, and by nomads I mean that we've been in two different spaces.

We're still building our new space on Belmont. We've had some setbacks, but it'll be worth it in the end. Like a lot of things this year, I guess. Just hard to look at the bigger picture sometimes.

Whatever, it's been a pretty amazing year. I got to play at both IIT and a Jewish day school. I played for my parents a few (dozen) times and a lot of extended family as well. Plus, I got to know a lot of cool people, especially my fellow newbies.

Let's keep that e-mail chain going, Class of '06! We needs to plan our hazin'!

Wasn't there already a bad movie with the same title?

2007-03-06T16:49:00.000-06:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you: New Zealand cinema.

Zombie sheep. Brilliant. We can only hope it somehow makes its way to our shores.

Sidenote: Isn't this a strange production for Mel Gibson's Icon Productions studio? Although it's entirely possible that the zombie sheep are also anti-Semitic. The trailer left it open to interpretation.

P.S. Don't silly movie trailers tell you so much about me and what's going on in my life? Give me a break, at least I'm posting.