Yes, there is such a thing

An open letter to The Format
Re: Your newest album "Dog Problems"

Dear The Format,

You are listening to entirely too much Queen.

Timmy Tapeworm


Ah, the old "Davidson Sweep..."

Big ups to the ladies of Cheetara, who won their first-round match in the World Series of Pop Culture. Erin Davidson really came through for them with a little technique I call "The Davidson Sweep." Take that, guy wearing girls jeans! Take that, shoegazer!

I was watching with a ton of people at Fizz after ComedySportz rehearsal, which was super fun. Everyone cheered whenever a Cheetara member was even briefly pictured and booed the other team. It was just like watching a melodrama, except no one got tied to the train tracks. I felt bad booing the two girls on the other team because they seemed pretty nice, if a little pretentious. But I could boo that knob Colin for all eternity.

The message boards have already lit up (and by that I mean 3 posts and 2 replies) with people saying how obnoxious they find Cheetara's exuberance. You say obnoxious, I say infectious. Plus, you're posting on the Internet about someone you just saw on TV and decided you didn't care for. Which one is really obnoxious here?

Go Cheetara! Take out those Laser Wolves!

P.S. I don't know (and neither do they) when their next episode airs, but I'll let you know. For those of you keeping track, this is about the third ComedySportz ensemble member to be on a nationally televised game show in the past 9 months. We're smart people. And gamey.


Giant Jug o' Water, copyright 2006

Everyone has something that they're kind of known for at their place of employment.

There's the "crossword guy," the "neverending coffee guy," or, if you work in my office, the "bird lady." This is the lady who brought her pet bird into work one day and had it sit on her shoulder all day long.

The bird was wearing a diaper. The bird had many little outfits, including a Cubs jersey and a tuxedo with removable tails. The bird freaked out during lunch when the lady went to Chili's.

This lady no longer works in my office.

But anyway, I figure if you're going to be assigned an identity anyway, I might as well beat people to the punch and choose mine so I don't get something stupid.

That's why I decided to be "Giant Jug o' Water guy."

Check it out:

This is what you get when you order the "Family Meal Deal" at Six Flags Great America. They filled that sucker with Sprite and I drank the whole thing. I guess they just assume that everyone in the family wants the same thing and is okay with using the same straw.

If you'll notice, there's a removable compartment on the bottom for additional ice storage. That's right, the Coke cups are partly obscuring the bottom portion of the jug. It's that big.

So now I keep that mofo at my desk. I fill it once in the morning (making sure to fill the removable compartment with ice) and I never have to refill it. I just drink it all day. I'm super-hydrated now, which I hear is healthy.

Plus, getting up to go to the bathroom 8 times a day really breaks the monotony.

edit: Be sure to check out "World Series of Pop Culture" on VH1 tonight. One Chicago team, Cheetarah, is made up of three female improvisors, two of whom play at ComedySportz. So cheer 'em on!


Married to the C above high C

I figure that if I can't entertain you daily, the least I can do is point you to something that can. In that vein, I highly recommend you check out one of my new favorite webcomics:

Married to the Sea

Old-timey pictures + modern-day captions = constant hilarity.