Don't fail this, fool.

I've developed a two-tiered test for determining how smart people are.

1) If someone knows "media" is plural, they're smart. ex. "The media are biased, but toward sensationalism, not any political mindset."

2) If someone knows "data" is plural, they're really smart. ex. "The data show this to be true. So shut up about the liberal media. You don't even know it's plural, moron."

Maybe soon I'll sum up the break, if only to satisfy the requests. But right now, I'm just too darn proud of my test.


Let us give spanks...er...thanks.

Have a great Thanksgiving, everybody! Stop reading blogs and go talk to your family. They told me they miss you.


Let's give me my due. Honestly.

I'm really digging the widescreen. Do you like the widescreen? I like the widescreen.

I feel like it really didn't get enough attention in the last post. It was mentioned briefly, but then cast aside for a ginormous listing of silly people's online journals (which are now listed, as promised, on the sidebar.) And I felt bad because that was kind of giving it short shrift. So here's some more shrift, widescreen.

I wish I would have done some big announcement, like when Strong Bad did a flashback in widescreen. "Left side, brrrow. Right side, brrrow." But anyway, that's in the past. And I'm glad that my blog is no longer a direct representation of my physical self. Because there should only be so many tall and skinny things in this world.

(Seriously, I had to edit html and everything. I don't know how to do that! No idea! Did it stop me? No. It did not. And I have already sold the film rights to Lifetime.)


The exciting conclusion

Check it out! Tim's blog...now in widescreen! Geez, it's like I know html or something.

My goodness, people. If I had known that not posting for a week would cause such drama among, well, all two of you...I probably would do it more. Because it's pretty funny. But really, I've been dealing with 12 bands that are coming to play at Drake this Thursday and Saturday for KDCS Presents: Battle of the Bands 2: Electric Boogaloo. (Okay, I added the Electric Boogaloo thing myself, but how cool would that be?)

I've determined that the quality of a band is inversely proportional to their cooperation, meaning the best bands are the hardest to work with. And these bands are really good. So that's what I've been doing - dealing with fragile little uncommunicative bands. In my own little way, I like to think I'm stabbing a fork in Clear Channel's foot. It doesn't really change much because Clear Channel is a giant and I'm just a guy who makes shoes, but hey, it worked for Mickey. Man, I'm rusty...

Maybe the fork should be too...

At any rate, it's time for the conclusion of Tim's famous series of his friends' blogs. Because believe it or not, there is a huge public outcry to know my daily websurfing routine. Now that I've discussed the most important two, the rest can be covered with but a cursory description. So buckle your seatbelts, kids. Here we go, in the order they appear in the "Blogs" section of My Favorites...

faiiinster's blog
This is Michelle, aka Hot Sauce, aka Wasabi. We're friends from back in my Fred J. Miller days. She was a flag girl, I was a drum major. It was a match made in band camp. That makes it sound like we hooked up, but that's not true. She's much too smart for that. She posts almost daily, and her posts are full of Internet slang and tales of college debauchery. She keeps me young.

mattiekate's blog
My friend Mattie is much cooler than I will ever be. She goes to school in Nashville and rubs noses with rockstars. She doesn't post often, but occasionally goes nuts with a photo essay. Very enjoyable.

justcallmekorea's blog
Yes, Sheila is Korean. She is also way more emo than you can handle. Be forewarned.

streaks in the sky
Haley is a supercool girl. Her blog is really pretty and has its own special cursor. If she lived nearby, I'd totally ask her to play Nintendo with me. (She also loves Smallville, for those of you who consider that important.)

britann's blog
Proving once and for all that you can't be a former member of Attagirl and not have a blog, this is Brittany's blog. She's also an infrequent poster, but I love her just the same and I don't yell at her when she doesn't post.

The Menagerie
This is Thom's blog. Thom plays guitar for a rock band called The Elms. They're a great band and Thom is a consistently entertaining and thought-provoking blogger. His URL was published in CCM and I think that made him LOL. So look out for lost Michael W. Smith fans and Joshua Harris.

degreeofdaisy's blog
This one's brand new, so get in on the ground floor. Because what the world needs is another Schell on the internet.

Moby's blog
Yeah, that's right. THE Moby. You know, bald guy, former techno artist, archnemesis of Eminem. He has a blog. It's really fun. He's very opinionated and sometimes arrogant about it, but it's still enjoyable. He's been super depressed ever since the election and hasn't been posting much, but he should get back in the habit soon.

Bufford the Wonder Blog
I just posted about this guy. He's still hilarious.

Rob's Office Space
I also just posted about this guy. Scott and I are very jealous and bewildered by the fact that he just started and his blog is already much popular than both of ours. What a jerk. Wish I had a bogus job that would pay me to update daily.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost
My blog. You already know about this one, because you're here. But I'm trying to be comprehensive.

Jakey's blog
I don't know if you can see this one. He might still be private. If you can't, don't worry about it. He doesn't post much and when he does, it's fairly vitriolic. Just think of the angriest,most bitterly cynical thing that could be said about a certain topic and assume that's what he said.

nerve tonic's blog
One of my friends at Drake. We go way back to J-30, when we had huge crushes on each other but were too shy to say anything. She's a very cool girl and knows the trials of being tall in this world. Fairly emo, but she also has a picture of a Strong Bad pumpkin she carved for Halloween. That's a good balance, I'd say.

The Dangerous Life of a Frat Boy
My friend Paul goes to U of I. He's been averaging a post about every month. He makes me feel better when I don't post for a while.

For All the World to See!
This is Emeric's blog, one of my good friends at Drake. He has a funny name. Josh still calls him Generic. His blog normally alternates between extreme nerdiness, political pontification, thoughts on ancient battle tactics, and existentialism. It's fun.

It was Brittany's idea
The blog of the guy who draws the webcomic Ctrl+Alt+Del. I really don't care what's going on in his life, but I really like his comic and he puts his sketches online, which are pretty cool. Plus, I'm an obsessive stalker.

Well, there you have it. That's my daily blog routine. Hope your curiosity is satiated. Somewhat ironically, just before I finished this series, I learned how to make a links section. So look for that soon. For those of you whining about this series, fear not. The ribald tales of gallantry and general misadventurey will commence shortly. So keep your pants on.


Voted "Most Likely to Die for Comedy"

This just in: I suck at posting.

But anyway, let's continue with my blog series. Because there's nothing quite like telling you about something already well-known.

Bufford the Wonder Blog

The blog of one "Scotty 2 Hotty," whose real name is being withheld for his own safety, this place is always good for a laugh and a cry. (But the cry is only because you feel so ashamed at why you're laughing.) Scotty is the type of person that will go to great lengths, indeed, some would say any lengths, for a joke. I truly believe that sooner or later, one of Scotty's jokes is going to get him killed. I'm looking forward to this, not because I want him dead, but because it'll have to be a really good joke.

I remember one time when I went with Scotty and some friends to a movie. We had some time to kill before the movie started, so we went out to the parking lot and nabbed a really great parking space. Then we pretended like we were backing out until someone drove by and stopped, waiting for us to leave. Then we'd pull back into the spot. We did this several times. It was hilarious every time.

Scotty is a huge Everquest dork. He is obsessed with obscure Nickolodeon TV shows like "The Adventures of Pete & Pete." He likes MST3K, so he can't be all bad. He is also, from my understanding, one of the coolest people at his school, which tells you a lot about him and also a lot about his school. His sad, sad school.

He's a regular commenter on my blog, so I like him. He, Rob, and I form something like the Triumvirate or maybe the Unholy Trinity of bloggers. We're the people with nothing better in our lives than to blog and comment on others' blogs. And yet, we're still ridiculously awesome. Strange.

Tune in next time for another entry in my series, "Places You Already Visit."


"Political Emo: Sillier Than Regular Emo?"

In an effort to get away from the political heartbreak of the last week, I'm going to start a new series of blog entries. That's right, a series. Kind of like in church when the pastor has a series of sermons on one topic like "The Fruits of the Spirit" or "Stuff Jesus Said" or "Conservative Christianity: Legitimate Belief System or Mere Voting Bloc?" (My personal favorite: "Dudes Kissing: 1001 Reasons Why It's Gross and Really Scares Us")

My series will be nothing so noble. In fact, it may very well be the ultimate in meaningless information. I will be blogging about blogs. That's right, my friends. We have entered the age of meta-blogging. Each post I will feature one or two of the blogs I regularly visit and tell a little about the author and why they warranted one of my precious bookmarks. This is a very elaborate method of replacing the "links" section that cooler blog programs like Xanga have. Stupid Xanga. Strangely, this has actually been requested by at least one person, and it will give me something to talk about. Because when it comes to my friends, sarcastic jibes practically write themselves.

Rob's Office Space

The previous statement applies to no one more than Rob. It's appropriate that we start with him, as he was the very first person to reply to one of my posts and has been a dedicated reader ever since. Rob, like myself, is not skinny. He is wiry. He is also a huge geek. Every birthday since he was 8, he has wished that he would become animated. Many speculate this has, for all intents and purposes, already come true.

At one point, Rob adamantly denied the possibility of starting his own blog. This lasted all of two days before he realized he could waste company resources and time by doing it at work. Rob is a genius. He details the terrible, soulless reality of office life in a way that makes it almost easy to stomach. He has a disproportionately hot girlfriend. Much hotter than mine, who does not exist. He also has a dedicated crew of commenters, some of whom are certified nutjobs.

So check out Rob's blog. His current post is particularly awesome, mainly because it's very complimentary of me. I expect this to change very soon after he reads this. But regardless, come back for the next post in the series. Because, as bad as it could be, it's gotta be better than dudes kissing.

"Stuff Jesus Said"...heh. I'm hilarious.



Well, where we going, kids? Because if we're leaving the country, we might as well start some sort of colony somewhere.

Here's what my good friend Moby (yes, the Moby) had to say about the whole thing. He's really opinionated and sometimes annoying about it, but I thought this was a good idea.

"can someone remind me why secession is not an option at this point?
i mean let's be realistic, we live in a divided country.
can't we have the breakaway republics of 'north-east-istan' and 'pacific-stan'? wouldn't the red states be happier without us?
we could still travel freely and trade freely with them, but can't we just leave?
then you could have 3 countries:

Oh, that Moby...


The true Incredibles?

MSNBC - Rare disease makes girl unable to feel pain

As soon as this girl learns to control her powers, she WILL be a superhero.

I've transcended time, but not space...no, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Okay, this is kind of a lame post because there's not much to it, but I felt the need to add some fresh content. But the desire to put something fresh on the blog is countered by the desire to get some sleep. So the scales go back and forth for a while, then settle on this: A post, but a short one.

I really felt I had to bring this to your attention. I love the funny pages, and this strip made me laugh harder at a comic strip than I have in a long time. I hope you enjoy it too. Okay, sleep now.

(Sorry, the link has expired since I posted this. You'll just have to take my word for it. It was hilarious.)

(Also, the title of this post is a quote from I Heart Huckabees, which I saw this weekend. Killer cast and a quirky script made for a very funny movie. Check it out at your local indie movie theatre. Because I guarantee it's better than freaking Saw, I don't care if the dude from The Princess Bride is in it or not.)

"Wanna make a crappy, messed-up movie?"
"As you wish."