Chanting Cherry Coke

Okay, great. Glad to see the fake tribute album issue makes you as mad as it does me. No no, I don't want your pity comments. Save them for some otha sucka.

I was shopping for groceries this weekend at SuperTarget and was in the juice aisle looking for Gatorade, because that's the only thing that sustains me sometimes. I looked up at the huge hangy sign they use to tell you what's in each aisle. I've loved these signs in the past because they use code words for sensitive items. You know, like "Incontinence" for adult diapers and "College Drinks" for alcohol and "Feminine Hygiene" for those terrible items that exist just to gross me out.

Okay, so "College Drinks" was invented by Strong Bad, but I needed a second beat to make the rhythm of the joke work out.

But on this day, I saw a category I had never seen before. Right in the mix with "Sports Drinks" and "Juice Boxes" and "Pure Sugar Drinks for 5-year-olds" was (and I'm not making this up)

"New Age Drinks"

What the crap are New Age Drinks? Is it like "Meditation Dew"? Do you drink it and suddenly ethereal, tranquil music begins to play? If it was Orbital's "Halchyon & On & On," I'd buy the entire lot, but I highly doubt that's the case. (The Hackers soundtrack is still awesome, I don't care if they use Macs to hack.)

I looked in the aisle, expecting to see those huge cans of Sobe tea or something, but didn't really see much of anything, except for some weird drink called "Izze," which I just assumed was Snoop Dogg's new energy drink.

In other news, I may be going crazy. I'm talking to myself a lot more these days. When I got to the Gatorade, I literally had this conversation aloud. With myself:

"Geez, this is their Gatorade section? There's like one six-pack of Glacier Freeze! Oh, you know what it is? The girl's state basketball champeenship is in town. They probably took it all...my God, I'm so lonely."

Then I laughed in the New Age Drinks aisle for two minutes straight.