Artistic decision

The Scorpions are on tour right now. Here's an artistic dilemma for you, if you were indeed in the Scorpions. When you play a gig in Florida, do you play "Rock You Like a Hurricane?" On the one hand, it's your big (read: only) hit. On the other hand, it's pretty insensitive, don't you think? Honestly. Stupid insensitive Scorpions.

This is what I think about during class, I kid you not.

Well, that was embarrassing

Stupid Red Sox.

Un-retreating

So I'm back from the retreat. I've un-retreated. I don't know if that means what I want it to. I'm back from the retreat. So, whatever the French say when they get home from a war.

At any rate, I've got homework that I've been neglecting, so no good stories tonight. The stories may come. The stories may involve getting hit with balls of paint projected at high velocity.

Celebration station

Some quick props must be thrown out tonight.

Props to the St. Louis Cardinals for winning Game 7 and heading to the World Series. So awesome. Hey brother...it's on. The Cards are gonna make every Bostonian sad for another few decades. But you're a Cubs fan. You're used to disappointment.

Props for democracy. Today was the big push for voting on campus here at Drake. Some very nice election officials came out and had us all vote absentee so we wouldn't have to go somewhere else on Nov. 2. And let me tell you, I fulfilled the crap out of my civic duty.

Props to Jon Stewart for yelling at the stupid people who host Crossfire. If you haven't seen the video or read the transcript yet, I highly recommend it. It's hilarious and he makes some excellent points.

And props to you, loyal reader. Without the 5 of you that regularly view this, I don't know why I would bother. Anyway, I'm headed out of town for a couple days for a fall retreat with the high school youth group I volunteer with. Should be a good time, but that means no blogging. So don't get discouraged. I'm not going to bail for a week and a half like last time. I'm just going to play some paintball, talk about Jesus, and then I'll be back.

So keep your pants on, Paintball Jesus.

My forehead is burning from jubilation

Hey, how 'bout them Rod Sox, eh?

How 'bout them Cardinals, eh?

I've got playoff fever!!

The only good thing about Tuesdays

It's been a while since I actually bought an album on the day it came out, but today I did. And I didn't buy just one brand spanking new album. No sir. I bought two. (And one week-old album.) Here are the initial reviews:

Jimmy Eat World - Futures: Amazing. More like Clarity than Bleed American, this is pure Jimmy. Quintessential Jimmy, you might say. I love it.

Roper - Brace Yourself for the Mediocre: Oddly, I haven't listened to this yet. However, I'm sure it will be very silly and very Roper-ish.

Straylight Run - s/t: This band was formed by two former members of Taking Back Sunday, but doesn't really sound much like it. Which I suppose is part of the reason they left. One review I read of this album says it's like "melding your copy of Fleetwood Mac's Rumours into your Fugazi disc." A great quote. I think a huge part of being a music journalist is finding clever ways to describe new music. I respect that. Anyway, it's a really great CD. I'm a sucker for piano-pop and female harmonies, which are only a small part of the music, but suck me in nonetheless.

Whoo! Two posts in two days! This won't last!

Keep your pants on, people.

Seriously people. Keep your pants on. The one thing the Internet doesn't need more of is nudity.

Okay, so sorry I haven't posted in a week and a half. I've been pretty busy with stuff (Mafia wasn't going to beat itself, you know) and truth be told, I haven't been too inspired. Maybe I've been too busy to be inspired, or I haven't let myself be inspired. I don't know. Maybe I need to go rock climbing. Zing! (Yowza. That was a callback to my 5th post, if you can believe it. That's for the old-school fans out there. Here's a refresher if you need to catch up. I hate leaving people out of the inside jokes. Which I guess defeats the purpose of inside jokes if there's nobody outside of them. Whatever.)

So I guess I don't exactly know why I haven't posted. Here's one thing I do know: if your quality of life has decreased significantly because of my non-posting, then I have two things to say:

1) Thank you. That's very sweet.
2) Wow. Far be it for me to call your life sad, but I think I might have to. Maybe you need a hobby or something. I recommend models. No, not building them. Making out with them. Hey-oh!

Anyway, one of the things keeping me busy these days is my new internship. It's with a marketing agency called Relationship Marketing, and let me tell you, I have sold out big time. I have an office with real walls and business cards. Yeah, business cards. With my name on them. My official title is "Public Relations Coordinator" which does not have the word "intern" in it anywhere. And they pay me too, which I still think is ridiculous.

It's actually a really cool office. They have this middle area called "The Arena" where they have meetings sometimes. But that's not why it has that name. I don't think their meetings are that bloody, with battles and lions and Christians and one dude in charge who gives the thumbs down to Jerry the Mail Guy whose production is down this month and then he gets beheaded. I don't think it's like that. I don't think...well...no. It's not. I'm pretty sure.

No, they call it "The Arena" because it has a basketball hoop in it. A real hoop with a glass backboard. Pretty crazy, I know. I'm going to start working on my jump shot and have them pay me for it. There's also an area where there's a second floor of cubicles, but it's all open air, so you can see up there. And going from the second floor down to the first is a tube slide just like you would see on the playground. It's a very playful office. Unfortunately, they've had a rough time with the economy and all, so they don't employ as many people as they used to. So no one works over by the slide and the people that are still there just aren't in a sliding mood. At least not when I'm around. They better not be having slide-fests when I'm not there.

So I'll try to find the time to post more often. They won't all be marathon posts like this one, that's for sure. My schedule and your attention spans can't handle it. But in the meantime, let's all keep our pants on, shall we?

Or at least our man-pris.



P.S. For those of you keeping track, here are the results of the latest board polls.

• A tag-team of Edward Scissorhands and Wolverine handily defeated Shredder and Freddy Krueger, thanks mostly to a strong female vote for Hugh Jackman and Johnny Depp. Even at his most effeminate, Depp still snags the ladies.
• Ryu defeated Ken 13-7. HADOUKEN!!
• Most recently, in the cleverly named Sesame Street Fight, Bert took down Ernie 7-4. Who saw that one coming? Not me.

Not to break up the fun...

I almost don't want to make a new post, because you guys are having way too much fun being HUGE dorks replying to that last one. But something happened at my internship today that I want to share, and the dorkiness must stop eventually.

So they outfitted me with a computer and whatnot (in my OFFICE. With real WALLS.) Unfortunately, a few keys on the keyboard didn't work. None of the important ones really, just b, n, and ?/. I said I could type around them, but they insisted on getting me a new one. So I tested it in the most classic manner and just kept typing, which led to an improvised story that I'd now like to share...

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog...
And was quickly shot by hunters on horseback.
The dog, it turns out, was just a decoy designed to lull the fox into a false sense of security.
It was a brilliant plan, executed to perfection.
"La renarde," as they say in France, which is where they were, had been captured.
The hunters headed back to their homes for a quiet evening of cheese and arrogance.

Thank you.

Now's your turn

Okay, so apparently Rob has the touch of death when it comes to commenting. Every time he comments on one of my posts, that's it. No more comments occur. You're like the comment lichen, Rob. (Blog ref: 10 dork points to Ryder! Me: Thank you, Chuck Norris.)

So here's an addendum to the last post to give the topic another chance. Help me out with suggestions of future polls. Any two characters or groups of characters from literature, pop culture, history, video games, or whatever that you would like to see in a fight. Go ahead, hit me.