Yeah, I used it again, Scott. Kill me.
Well, we made it. Barely. 3 solid days of driving, 2 super cheap hotels and 1 narrowly dodged bullet of a snowstorm later, we're back safe and sound in the grand state of Illinois. I could give you a blow by blow account of the whole trip, but honestly, most of it was just...well, driving. Not that cool. But there were some scattered moments of hilarity, which I now present to you in the amazing quote list for what was dubbed the...
Return of the "R" Tour 2004
(Doing the crossword in People)
Tim: Patrick or Rod...
Josh: Swayze!
Tim: Wow.
(Still doing the crossword)
T: 3 letters - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was one. Abbreviation.
J: Black.
T: And how would you like me to abbreviate that?
J: B-L-K.
T: Wow.
(A gas station in Massachusetts)
Woman: (noticing our Illinois license plate) You boys sure are a long way from home!
T: Yeah, and we're headed back there.
J: Don't worry, we've got everything UNDER CONTROL!!
Okay, this isn't that funny on paper, but it was simply the strangest response possible on Josh's part. He said it like he was trying to convince himself that everything was under control. I'm sure the nice lady assumed everything was fine. Josh just apparently thought she needed extra convincing. Let's move on.
J: Have we gone through New Jersey yet?
T: We go through New Jersey?
J: Yeah, just barely.
T: See, that's why I don't look at the route beforehand. I like to be surprised.
(We never went through New Jersey.)
J: (finishes pumping gas) Warm up the car, T. (goes into the gas station)
T: Okay. (also enters the gas station)
J: What are you doing?
T: When I said okay, what I really meant was that I was coming in here to buy some juice.
J: That's a nice house. I'd like to climb the outside.
T: Doesn't look like it would be very...workout-y.
J: Excuse me?
T: Probably wouldn't give you a good workout.
J: No, what you said the first time.
T: Uh...workout-y.
J: You can't take compass readings inside the car because all the magnets in the speakers screw everything up.
T: There are magnets in speakers?
J: Yeah.
T: ...I don't know how anything works.
(Late in the drive of Day 2)
T: (quite loopy at this point) Just hold me. Tell me everything will be okay.
J: That's it, we're stopping.
(Morning of Day 3, J is at the window of the Super 8.)
J: Wow.
T: (groggily) What?
J: I'll just let you see for yourself.
T: (goes to window) Holy geez. We've been blizzard-ed.
J: Pack up, we're going to make a break for it.
T: Don't kid yourself, we're not going anywhere. We're going to die here. We're going to DIE HERE, JOSH!!
T: How much snow do you think was on the ground this morning?
J: 6 inches, maybe.
T: Yeah...I'm going to say a foot and a half. It sounds better.
J: That's 16 inches!
T: 18, actually.
J: ...right.
Parts of Indiana and Ohio got over a foot of snow that day. Turns out waking up to 6 inches and an unplowed Super 8 parking lot wasn't so bad. As we drove west, we got away from the snow and narrowly dodged a bullet that could have DESTROYED Christmas. So we're back in J-ville with the family. Hope you're with yours, enjoying the holiday. Merry Christmas, everybody.
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Do you know what's awesome about that? Is that it reminds me of Europe. Josh is a great travel buddy... So I could make some additions to a Josh Ryder Quote List... here's some for ya'
Rob: So yeah, apparently in the Islamic Religion they sit around and have to read the entire Qur'an aloud after a death.
Josh: That's a sucky book.
Rob: Wow. This from the seminary student.
Josh on Gelato: Italy's icecream technology is light years ahead of ours.
Josh on Eating Out: Seriously, where's our waitress. This country just begs for Dine n' Dash.
Josh after anytime I get tounge tied or trail off mumbling: You think about what you've just done! And use real words next time.
Josh: Today I'm gonna call you... "Face"
Rob: I hate you Josh. Really, I do.
Josh: Excuse me Ma'am... Can you tell me how to get to The Museum of Medieval Torture Instruments??
Stuck-Up Lady: (Rolls Eyes) There are SO many better things to see in Prague.
Wolf: So you guys did a night train into Poland, hit Auschwitz, and then took a night train back to Germany the next night?
Josh: Yeah, we're hardcore like that.
Wolf: I'd say it sounds more like retarded to me.
Josh: Yeah, but we like to pronounce it 'hardcore'
--And a few more for good measure--
Will on World Travel Saftey: "You can't wander off the path in Croatia... there are still landmines there."
Justin on getting ready to go out for the evening: "I can't believe its the Brit reminding us to take care of our teeth."
Coley on being outdoorsy: "If you go running around in the woods, you're an asshole. You deserved to be eaten. I'm rooting for the bear."
Tim! Did you have something to do with this!?
http://blondeoldnavygirl.blogspot.com/
Damn, you knew I was just going to jump your ass for that one and you headed it off. So, way to know you're being incompetent.
Good post, I have the startings of a monster post. But I keep getting tired writing it. I'll try to finish today. Gotta love those trip quotes, I had a few good ones on mine but I think I'll share what is likely the only Josh Ryder - Scott Gresham quote ever.
At Agape:
Scott: Do you ever kind of want to shoot the beach balls at concerts?
Josh: Umm, you're evil.
Scott: *Confused look*
Ah yes, good times. Shortly before we broke into some random house for showers. All in all a good trip. - Scott
I'm glad you and Josh made it through that 's'-ing storm, Tim. Hope you are ready to come back to DM and party at my joint. And by "party" I mean watch Matt Groening cartoons on DVD all day. To you and the Ryder clan: merry Christmas and have a new year too.
I'm going to break my silence for this post. Yes, it's true, I'm a blog stalker. I read it all the time and never say a word. Does that make you all nervous? It does me.
Anyways, Tim, it's a good thing I haven't met your brother because if I had, he might unseat you as reigning funniest person I've ever met.
J
Sorry, I just realized that you called your brother "J" so my using that name might confuse people.
^^^Joanna
Ok Tim, it's been long enough for this. GET OFF YOUR SKINNY ASS AND POST! Ah, much better. I feel so relieved. Tell us about your break, about your excessively good diction, about your nipple hair. About whatever. My point is this, if you have enough time to be sassy on my blog, you have enough time to string along your blog supporters. - Scott
Okay so since Tim won't post and we're all sufficiently bored with his road trip stories, lets just continue the blog on our own.
(COUGH!!!!) Tim. I'm comandeering your blog. Only because I won't give anyone the link to my own. haha.
Now taking Top 10 Movies of 2004
My list, in progress and in no particular order goes as such....
Garden State
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
The Passion of the Christ
Maria, Full of Grace
The Incredibles
The Aviator (??? might be rethinking this one)
Hero
Napoleon Dynamite (at least gets most quotable movie 2004)
that's only nine.... I have to think of a 10th and i'm currently catching up on my film watching, so i'm going to put Return of the King as a place holder.... but only because the dvd was so freaking awesome....
haha. I'm a loser. I need to let it go. Lord of the Rings is over.
Okay now, Tim.... there's an idea. take it and run with it my friend.
~Keri
Hmmm...
Two weeks gone by...
Tim, You suck at blogging.
I'm sorry to announce:
Tim's Dead.
It's the only excuse I can see as acceptable.
I just checked the TV guide, it said: Cheers to Jared from Subway for finally making us hate him.
And Jeers: To Tim Ryder for being a hopless dork, we know it used to entertain us, but now that he doesn't update the spell has been broken. JEERS TO YOU SIR.
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