Anyway, I graduated. That was sweet. Then I went camping. That was also sweet. Perhaps I'll say more when I can post related pictures. That is, if my cool digital camera-bearing friends ever deem me worthy enough to send pictures to. But that is not the topic of discussion today. The topic is this:
Weddings are ridiculous.
Please allow me to amend my previous statement. Weddings are sometimes ridiculous. Rented wedding reception DJ's are always ridiculous.
My family went to a very nice Roman Catholic wedding on Saturday. Josh and I were competing to see who could be more "Catholic" during the service. He was way better than me on the responses (which were totally not cued at all), but he lost major points when he kept going on the Lord's Prayer after everyone else stopped. (They never added on the "For thine is the glory" bit. Come on, people. Get with the times.) In the end, he said he did better than me. But then, maybe I shouldn't have gone up for Communion and said to the priest, "How about a little transubstantiated goodness for a Protestant brother?!"
And finally, some tips for what I believe to be the worst wedding reception DJ ever:
- During dinner, the music should make the guests should feel as if they are at a classy affair, not shopping for housewares at Sears.
- Doing a play-by-play on the garter removal is not classy. Especially if the groom decides to do it no-hands style.
- If you absolutely have to play "The Chicken Dance," do it as unobtrusively as possible so no one notices and tries to actually do the dance. During dinner is a good time. Or try it as background music for the toasts.
- If, during the "little bit softer now" part of "Shout," no one laughed at your terrible pants-ripping sound effect the first time, it's doubtful anyone else will find it funny the second time.
- Whether classy or not, be sure to call attention to the oldest person on the dance floor. Because that lady was hilarious.
14 comments:
Hmmm... very interesting. I was also at a Roman Catholic wedding this past weekend attempting not to look Uber-Protestant. I also kept going during the Lord's prayer. I think I gave myself away at that point. I think I saw some loyal parisheners shake their fists while saying "LUTHER!"
AM
Oh whatever. I have far too often found myself caught in a Lutheran service trying not to look too hopelessly heathen. or non-denominational, same difference. All those little sayings they have... I should just stay silent instead of trying to pretend that I know them and saying them a awkward few seconds too late.
I thought I was a fairly easy going church goer until I visited the
Maple Street Baptist Church (the "Southern" is implied, I think). Then I just felt hopelessly white...and spiritless...and like a bad dancer.
The best is when you can somehow find yourself in a situation where the southern baptists (or better, charismatics) start speaking in tongues in the presense of Lutherans.
I love religion.
-Keri
I could out-Catholic you and your whole family any day of the week! I could probably even do the priests part!
The best church to pretend to be a member of is a Quaker Meeting. They just sit around silent and take turns speaking when they feel so led. You can totally stand up and rehash what the last few people have said and seem legit. All you need is the cool hat, and ta-da! You're a bonafide Quaker!
P.S. The group you don't want to get tangled up with is those shifty Methodists. Those Wesley brothers had plans for world domination, I can sense it!
Ha, I like all the Lutheran jokes. Yay! Fun stuff.
We're our own breed. We act very oddly to some people, not to do with religion (well, I guess to other religions that stuff is weird too) but more about the fact that 90% (if not more) are Germans or Norweigians. And very "purebred" at that.
We have very interesting personalities as congregations, it's fun to people-watch at potlucks. Very fun. I like to think too that we have the best humor about ourselves.
Yeah... and this one time, I didn't go to my WELS service, but went to an ELCA service, and man you wouldn't believe all the stories...
Oh, and for all of you that don't get that Lutheran synod stuff:
Yeah... and one time I was at a Catholic mass... yeah...
~c
Oh, did you happen to notice too that while you were gone I totally creamed you in the top five contest.
HA!
But anyway, glad you're back and posting. I bet the mountain lions wouldn't have gotten much meat off you anyway.
~c
Tim, it's good to have you back. I actually just about gave up on you. And by gave up, I mean I cut back from checking your blog everyday to about every other or so.
Yeah, I was raised Catholic and I can barely follow the services. And with my bum knee all that standing-sitting- kneeling stuff is rough in my old age.
Also, Tim, now that you're in Springfield you totally have to check out the pad. I've upped the coolness factor of this place by like 300%. The ladies are flocking outside as I type this. Come check it out!
Those ladies are flocking for me Rob. And they're there everyday. Don't pretend you had anything to do with it. However, I will say the coolness factor of the apartment has gone up at LEAST 208% since he moved in, not as a reult of Rob being here, but because of all his stuff.
We now have 300+ DVD's at our disposal and a combined music collection that could fill a small Virgin store. But it wouldn't be a "virgin store" anymore, hey-OH.
Oh also, religon. I'm technically Methodist, but I go to an Assembly of God church with my parents sometimes. My mom decided to go there, and let me tell you sometimes I can hardly stand the place. From the stereotypically southern pastor (Whom the congregation refers to simply as "Pastor", as in "Pastor is comming to dinner today." or "Did you hear what Pastor did". Very cultish) to the ENDLESS SINGING OF "MODERN" CHRISTIAN MUSIC. IT'S JUST NORMAL POP MUSIC FROM FIVE YEARS AGO. PLAY A FRIGGIN' HYMN.
Ah, that felt good. Got that out of my system. Now that I've flirted with damnnation I'm off to pretend to care about SQL. Ah the joys of college.
- Scott
Oh, you guys. Thanks for all the funny religion stories. They're funny cause they're awkward.
In eigth grade at my little lutheran school (11 people in my class, in the same room with the 5 seventh graders, with one teacher...) We had what was called "Synod History" as a class. We were tested on all the presidents of the synod like they were as historically important as the nation's presidents. We also had to learn all the districts across the nation. It was insane. I remember nothing except for prez Gurgel, but that's because he had a funny name.
Anybody else have weird stuff like that? Or is it just because I went to a parochial school?
~C
Sorry Corie, I went to public. I had to learn about silly things like "Darwinism" and "The Big Bang." I did have a music teacher in Elementary School who had an unhealthy addiction to the Alf TV Series. And would let us watch Alf instead of do, you know, music stuff.
Mrs. Brown was the greatest, Rob. When ALF was in reruns, she would occasionally make us do stuff like...bang sticks together in rhythmic patterns. I liked the long ones that you had to jump between while people banged them together. I called them "The Ankle Crushers." Ah...good times.
Tim,
We have the second part of the lords prayer, but its just after a short break, with all that stand up, sit down, kneel, stand up again stuff, you can't expect us to remember the whole thing all at once. . .
Paul K.
"Ankle crushers" aka tinickling sticks?
Ha, I thought that was possibly something they made up at the Lutheran teacher college.
~c
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