More campy than a midnight showing of Rocky Horror

So last week, I was gone. I told you that. I realize I was a little sketchy on the details. "Volunteering at some junior high camp" was the most I could offer. This is for two reasons - #1, I try not to provide too much information on my whereabouts, lest the Internet stalkers get the best of me and #2, I really didn't know much more than that. Josh and Allyn roped me into helping out and God knows I wasn't doing anything, so I jumped on board. Let me attempt to explain, with visual assistance.



The one looking really stupid (in blue) is me. The one looking vaguely stupid (in green) is Josh. The one just looking jolly (in red) is Sandle, the organizer of this camp. The camp as it turns out, was the Junior High edition of Lake Springfield Christian Academy. But don't let the Academy part fool you - this is summer church camp at its finest. That means lessons, worship, campfire singalongs and all the gloriousness that goes with it. However, due to my aversion to anything serious, I'll be highlighting the silly adventures we had, rather than the important life-changing experiences. It's just what I do.



This is my family group. You can see me at the bottom of the pyramid. The girl at the bottom right was Jan, my co-leader. She was rad. I resisted making Brady Bunch jokes the entire week.



I was trying to remember the last time I was around large groups of junior highers. I determined that it's actually been since junior high. (I worked with freshman boys in Des Moines, which is close, but not quite.) They come with their own set of joys and frustrations. On one hand, they love you just for showing up and because you're older. You don't have to win them over like high school kids. One the other hand, they have the attention span and memory of goldfish and their voices haven't changed yet. Also, the majority of them were born around 1992. That meant my "Flock of Seagulls" references went right over their heads. (Which, to be fair, are only about 4 and a half feet off the ground.)



Turns out they're pretty gross too. This was a morning wake-up activity where we all had to chew gum and then sculpt it into something. Then, after showing our sculptures, one person from our group had to see how much of everyone else's gum they could chew again. Josh was that person for his group. I stood in the corner and gagged. The junior highers LOVE Josh.



This was another morning activity. A guy and a girl from each team went up - the girl covered the guy's face with shaving cream...



...then threw breakfast cereal at him...



...to see how much stuck to his face. Not sure what exactly this has to do with Jesus, but it was super-fun.



Another morning, kids had to put pantyhose over their faces and eat a banana. For some reason, this also kind of made me gag. I've determined that if I had to fill out a bio and there was a "I am good at" and a "I am bad at" section, my #1 thing would be "I am bad at...competitive eating." I just can't do it. That's why I can't go on Fear Factor. I would rock the stunts because as we all know, I'm extremely strong and athletic, but eating - no good.



Case in point - eating cheap imitation Froot Loops off the floor without using hands. I am TERRIBLE. That's not a marketable skill, is it? I don't want to be left behind in today's job market because I suck at competitive eating.



Here's something I DON'T suck at. Breaking it down - b-boy style. Oh yeah.



We did more than silly morning warm-ups. All the kids had two activity slots per afternoon and then free time. Here's the waterslide - a popular attraction during the unbelievably hot week. It was pretty sweet, unless you went Superman like this guy and totally overshot the nice cushiony mat - then you ended up a little bruised. But if you went to camp and didn't have to visit the nurse during the week, then you weren't trying hard enough.



You could go on a ride on the pontoon boat. But when Josh and his group did, it broke down 20 feet from the dock and they had to have the old dude row them in with their one paddle. If they had broken down in the middle of the lake, they would still be out there.



The pool was another very popular attraction. Some kids pretty much lived there. Note that the kids are still at the age in which pigtails are adorable.



Sometimes the kids just made their own fun. They're great like that. This little hoop originally laid on the ground and held basketballs. But then they figured out that kids could fit inside...



...and roll around. I just wish the guy was wearing knickers and rolling her down a dusty main street with a stick . Because...then we'd be in the Old West. And that's funny.



Allyn was a constant source of amusement and joy at camp, even though she left every day to go to work, like a loser. She's pretending to look surprised here, but really, she always looks surprised.



One night we had Water Olympics. Quite conveniently, it was located in the pool. You can't tell in this picture, but the kids are passing a greased watermelon down their lines. Josh and I carried the watermelons to the pool, which led to quite a few Dirty Dancing jokes. No kids were around, but it was just as well. They wouldn't have got it.



Here, the kids are chasing an estimated 250 goldfish around the pool and trying to catch them in their hands. Again, not sure what this has to do with Jesus, but it's really fun to watch.



No week at camp would be complete without a literal all-consuming fire. This one was so big that some embers would fly out and land on the first row of kids. That did have something to do with Jesus. I told those kids that God was trying to set them on fire because they didn't get quiet after Lights Out the night before.



Despite the stereotype, there was not a chorus of Kumbaya to be found. But there were lots of good times and hearts touched by the events of the week. Not to mention too many stories to even start to tell here. I'll just say that I'm now the lead singer of a 7th-grade band called "12-Gauge Heart" and leave it at that.