A much more important poll

You hear a lot these days about polls. This being an election year and all, it seems every other day, there's a statistically irrelevant, poorly worded, completely biased, and totally pointless poll talked about in the media. And most those are just about people's reactions to Lindsay Lohan's first pop song. (By far the most common reaction: IT SUCKS. Even for a movie-star-turned-pop-star offering.)

But far more important than that, and even more important than those stupid presidential polls, are my own personal polls. That's right - the dry erase board poll has returned.

You see, my room is right at the top of the stairs of the 4th floor. Besides letting me scope out the hot girls on the floor (especially as they come back from working out. Rroww...), it also lets me communicate with everyone in a way that promotes intelligent, socially responsible debate. In other words, I ask people who would which of two unlikely characters would win in a street fight.

These are classics like Tony the Tiger vs. Cap'n Crunch, Indiana Jones vs. Han Solo (no weapons), and the like. I would like to share a few recent polls that I'm particularly proud of.

A couple weeks ago, I had my dad vs. each passerby's respective dad, under the pretense that my dad could totally beat up all of their dads. (This is obviously a ridiculously playgroundish argument, which was the joke.) Unfortunately, my dad got the ever-loving crap kicked out of him in the polls 12-1.

Then we had the Philosopher Street Fight: Socrates vs. his pupil, Plato. I voted for Socrates on the basis that the Socratic Method also applies to beat-downs. But then someone else made the point that Plato could be molded into any type of fighter he wanted, which I thought was the most intelligent joke ever made on my dry erase board. At any rate, Socrates won a close one 7-5.

This next poll was possibly the funniest one think I've ever come up with. It was the sphere from Sphere vs. the cube from Cube. If you don't get that, then you're not cool. You should read more books by Michael Crichton and watch more Canadian films about giant, booby-trapped cubes. Then you'lI think it's hilarious, as I do. Anyway, no one else on my hall got it either, so they tied 5-5.

Finally, the current poll is a classic cartoon rivalry. The Flintstones vs. The Jetsons. Family vs. family, no futuristic technology allowed. That means no Rosie, no Barney, no Bam-Bam. But wooden clubs are okay, because they're not futuristic. Now it's your turn to weigh in. What's your opinion on any or all of these polls?

Except on Lindsay Lohan of course. That's a given.