ebane of my existence

I've never done a ton of stuff on ebay. Sometimes I log on and look at the ridiculous stuff people sell, but I've never bought or sold anything. Yesterday, I realized why.

First, I should explain what I was bidding on, which requires a brief explanation of my current philosophy of buying computer games. This summer, I realized that I would be away from my friends and their gaming platforms for three whole months. (When I was young, I primarily chose friends based on their ownership of a Nintendo. It's no longer the main criteria, but it's a nice ancillary benefit.) This would not do. I needed my video game fix somehow. The purchase of a new laptop coincided nicely with my decision to return to the world of computer games. But I had been away for so long. What should I do? The answer was simple.

Retroactive gaming.

It was so perfect. I went into Best Buy, but instead of ogling the newest titles with their glossy boxes and promises of advanced graphics, I went straight for the bargain rack. There, I could find quality titles that they were just trying to get rid of. Often, they would be sold in just a jewel case. That's when you know they're desperate. But they were a great price and I could be confident that they would run well on my not-built-for-gaming laptop. It's really easy - you just go back one sequel. I've never played Max Payne. Why should I skip ahead and play Max Payne 2 before I play the first one? (That's $40.00 more and a complete lack of context and backstory. No thank you.) If I've never owned Madden, Madden 2004 will be just as good as Madden 2005. I will suck at both of them, but that's not the point. (Video game football and I don't get along, probably due to the fact that I never played football, hardly watch it, and hate selecting plays. I always Hail Mary when I should fullback sweep. I still think the fullback plays defense, and why would I want to hand the ball to the other team? Wait...does the fullback play defense? Crap...)

I realize this philosophy is completely uninteresting to non-gamers. And true gamers would scoff at the idea of being a year behind. Which means that, as usual, I'm talking solely to my target audience: myself.

Anyway, back to ebay. I was bidding on a copy of Final Fantasy VII for PC, because I'm a huge dork like that. It's at least a few years old, but considered to be a classic, so they usually sell for $40 or more. I found one person who had a starting price of $24, and no one had bid, so I thought, "Sweet. No one is paying attention to this guy because he doesn't have the original box and everyone on here is a nerdy collector. I could get a great deal." So 12 hours before the auction ended, I put in a bid for the starting price.

I was monitoring it the next day *cough* at work *cough* and I was still the only bidder. I was starting to get excited. I'd been trying to find this game for a while, and now I was going to get it for a song. Here's a transcript what happened:

10 minutes left in the auction. You are the top bidder.

*Refresh*

5 minutes left in the auction. You are the top bidder.

*Refresh*

2 minutes left in the auction. You are the top bidder. "Sweet, I'm going to win!"

*Refresh*

The auction has ended. You have been outbid. "WHAT??!!" (double interrobang)

My jaw dropped. I was outbid by the princely sum of 50 cents by some dude who hadn't even made his presence known. I didn't even think anyone else was watching the freaking thing. I can just picture the guy, laughing at the newbie ebay user and swooping in to take it away in the last minute. Freaking...swooper. He's nothing but a...swoop jockey. I was upset. But I've learned my lesson. And also how to use the maximum bid feature to let ebay do the work for you. So it won't happen again.

I went home and cut up some orcs to make myself feel better. Because my new Return of the King game...over a year old. And awesome.