The apocolypse is upon us, and the harbinger's name is Sudoku.
Mark my words, America: Sudoku is nothing more than an evil plot to lull the American people into submission. Sure, it started out harmless - nothing more than a simple number game, "a crossword with numbers," they called it. Published in newspapers on a daily basis, it quickly caught on and became a national sensation. Now there are strategy guides published, there is Sudoku for Dummies, there are huge books of Sudoku puzzles that appeal to those people for whom one Sudoku puzzle a day SIMPLY ISN'T ENOUGH!
But this game is not harmless. No, here is how this Trojan Horse will destroy us. Sudoku, while not technically a Japanese invention (it was first published in a U.S. puzzle magazine in 1979), has been popular in that country since 1986, far longer than here. The Japanese have pushed for a resurgence of Sudoku in the U.S. for some time, knowing that our American fixation with completion would cause us to become obsessed with the game. They plan to continue feeding the fire of this new craze until all of America is playing it.
Then they will publish a Sudoku puzzle that is so incredibly difficult, it will cause the entire population of America to become catatonic. This puzzle will be published on a Friday and will be given a difficulty rating of four out of five. It will not seem impossible - nay, completion will seem to be no more than a few good guesses away - but victory will forever evade the grasp. They have the power to calculate such a puzzle. They have very good computers.
Then, at 1:00 Eastern Standard Time on that fateful Friday, while all of America toils away tirelessly but in vain at this puzzle, Japan will launch a sneak attack that will make Pearl Harbor seem like the time that guy stomped on your sand castle.
Don't believe me? Look at the name. Sudoku is the Japanese abbreviation of a longer phrase, "suji wa dokushin ni kagiru," meaning "the digits must remain single." More like, the country must remain single. Meaning, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE SUPERPOWER IN THE WORLD! US! JAPAN! ALL OTHERS MUST BE ELIMINATED!! This interpretation is obvious.
I have already lost three family members to this diabolical plot.
See through the lies, America. Stick to the Jumble.
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8 comments:
ok tim....now breathe. you have warned the world or your conspiracy theory; it is finished. Sudoku though? come on now...if they really wanted to addict an entire nation to something, they should go for a video game. that will cause a catatonic state...it already does!
Whoop, now I'm back over here. You do not know anything Sir. Good Day.
I said GOOD DAY.
Your blog is now being watched by high level security agents in Washington.
They're onto you and your plots of paranoia to distract the populus.
You're one of THEM!
But really, if anyone could be taken over by means of SuDoku... it would be us... sad.
~C
j fi, the only way my dad would get addicted to a new video game would be if they released some sort of amazing freeware version of Ms Pac-Man. However, my dad is into Sudoku. I rest my case.
Josh, you blow my mind sometimes.
Corie, I believe the term you're looking for in order to apply to me is "whistleblower." It is an honorable term. As is "prophet."
one person doesn't prove a case...come on now
No, no, the word I am looking for is "terrorist" and I have insider information that leads me to believe your facade of "jobless college graduate wandering around Chicago" is an elaborate cover up.
Your humor is just a diversionary tactic.
Did you make that SuDoku definition up? Or is that for real. And not the part about Japan being the single world power.
~c
It's as real as Wikipedia, however much you trust it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SuDoku
so speaking of conspiracies, i was talking to my best friend yesterday and she has one that is actually pretty creepy...but it isnt the japanese, it is the chinese...and more possible than i like to admit....
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