Things we learned at this year's Academy Awards:
- The male writer of the Brokeback Mountain duo is 10 times more creepy than his movie. Now wonder that dude still uses a typewriter. I'm surprised he doesn't use a quill and parchment.
- Jon Stewart is even greater than you thought. And I already thought he was the greatest, so...there you go. Good job.
- And the Oscar for Best On-Screen Reactions from an Audience Member goes to...George Clooney. Hands down. The man was doing takes that rivaled J.C.!! (Um...Johnny Carson. I don't think Jesus was well-known for his on-camera humor. Although I've always thought the bit about the plank in your own eye was inspired. It's a funny visual.)
- Seriously, George Clooney is America's sweetheart. Or at least Hollywood's. I understand red-staters might have an issue with him for some reason.
- I did okay on my Oscar pool, but I blew Art Direction because the category confused me. I thought we were talking about literal pieces of art, so I voted for The Da Vinci Code in advance.
- Underscoring the whole acceptance speech means you can't tell people to stop talking with music like you normally could. I don't know why no one thought of this, unless the blow-dart scenario was an actual contigency plan. (Also, Tom Hanks is great.)
- Salma Hayek, please report to my office.
- I was delighted when Wallace & Gromit won for Best Animated Feature, then embarrassed when it was revealed that the creators were huge dorks with silly bow ties. Then I remember that I'm a dork too - it's just that I have no real reason to be in formal wear.
- Steve Carell looks great with long eyelashes. They were almost as long as mine. (I have super girly lashes.)
- Oh, Three 6 Mafia. You are utterly charming. Get ready for obscurity.
- And finally, when it comes to Best Picture, racism will always, always top gayness. And that truly is a lesson for us all. Thanks Hollywood!
6 comments:
You know, I've always thought Jesus's bit with the fig tree was pretty funny. "No fruit?! Well I'll let you off this time. But you had BETTER give me some figs next time or we're talking serious smiting."
Next time.
"What?!?!?! Oh, you did it now fig tree. You done did it." *BAM, tree dies.*
"You just got kicked down a notch."
*Diciples look on confused. Jesus snickers.*
Incidentally Jesus Snickers is the promotional Easter candy bar for the comming Christian holiday.
- Scott
P.S. I was the anonymous girls. Sorry, you're just TOO dreamy and I couldn't tell you as myself. But now you know.
P.P.S. Crash was a great movie.
Ahem. Scott was most certainly NOT the anonymous people. At least, not all of them. Thank you.
~Anon #2
Oh, and Crash really did deserve the award. As good as Brokeback Mountain was, it really was overhyped and WAY too gay to win it big.
There I go again. I'm sorry. But I go method. And I have a hard time getting out of character sometimes. That's the last one I promise.
- Scott
P.S. Oh yeah, I might as well come clean. I'm also J Fi. Made her up. Ah, a weight is off my chest.
Tim,
Well, I know it's too late to join the crowd of admirers, but just in case it's not, I think you're pretty neat too. I was in Chicago this week (just flew back to Omaha-God's country)...nice city...I heard lots of people talking about you. Great Oscar recap...you're funny.
Grade A(my) Woman
Crash was good, but didn't deserve the Oscar, in my opinion. A mite too heavyhanded. Although it is worth it to hear gays declare Hollywood as homophobic.
Also, I love you, Tim.
Love, Anonymous
SCOTT!!! how dare you claim to be me!! yeah, a lot of people want to be me, but that is just a dream that must die. sorry....besides, you're freaking funny as scott!
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